Tag: coach’s wife

Comin’ Home

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713FD137-DE02-4E7E-BFA4-BC423B29A7A2Oh hey! I know, I’ve taken a lot hiatus from blogging. But I’m back! Since the last time I wrote a lot of life has happened (hence the blogging had to take a backseat) so I figured a life update would be a good place to start. Here’s the bullet point version:

  • April- began 3rd frozen embryo transfer cycle (FET) with a new doctor
  • May – transferred a perfect embryo, but it ended with a negative test
  • June- Hubby got let go from job so we sell half our belongings, put the other half in storage and move in with my parents in NorCal
  • July- Hubby gets new coaching job in the Bay Area so we are staying put

Kinda makes your head spin, huh? It certainly felt like life decided to throw it all a us at once, just to see how tough we really are. Just to test our faith, see how we would handle it all. 

Our FET cycle was pretty rough on me physically-more than I remember the other cycles ever being. From the moment I started the birth control pills I was nauseous, dizzy, tired…ugh! I’ll save the whole story for another blog post. I learned a lot, faced some fears (like giving myself progesterone injections) and ultimately ended up heartbroken with another negative pregnancy test. 

We barely had time to begin grieving our loss when our life…got flipped turned upside-down 😉

My husband and the rest of the coaching staff at CSUN got let go. These things happen. Of course I have all sorts of feelings on the injustice of it all, but ultimately, in coaching things are never guaranteed. We knew at some point in his career this would probably happen. You never expect it to happen on a Thursday morning, a week after a failed FET cycle when you were supposed to go camping the next day. We did the math and despite my stable counseling job, the only thing that made sense financially was to move in with my parents back in my hometown. 

It’s funny… for months I had been praying a little prayer under my breath.. “Lord, get us out of here” Just like that. Blunt. To the point. Daily. It’s hard to fully explain; our life in SoCal was wonderful in so many ways, but I was tired. Tired of hopping on the hamster wheel every morning and hopping off exhausted at the end of the night just to do it all over again the next day. I was struggling to show up for myself and my family the way I wanted. The vision I have for my family didn’t look much like the life we were living. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. We were and are blessed beyond comprehension, yet I know there is something different for us. I wanted out. Out of the rat race, out of California with it’s crazy taxes and policies, out of feeling like I’d never catch my breath.

Well, God answered, but not how I had envisioned he would. Typical. About a week after we moved in to my parents home, my husband was offered a coaching position at St. Mary’s College…right up the road (okay, an hour with traffic) from my parents. I attended SMC for my masters degree; my hubby had worked there as one of his very first baseball jobs. It’s a great place. 

I should have felt nothing but excitement- we were home! But, I’ll be honest, that wasn’t how I felt at first. I didn’t (and still don’t) know how we will make it financially in the uber expensive bay area when it’s time to leave my parents home. We’ll likely be here for a year. I don’t know where another baby fits in with this new chapter. I don’t know how the quality of life I’m craving for my family can exist here for the long term. And the control freak in me was having a really hard time reconciling it all. 

But then, we took Austin for ice cream at the dairy…

The dairy, for anyone who isn’t from here, is a drive-thru mini market that has been around for decades. Growing up, we would ride our bikes to the dairy for a 50¢ ice cream cone. To me, those cones taste like freedom, and friendship, and comfort. Everything good about growing up in Pleasanton exists in one lick of that ice cream cone. And there was so much goodness growing up here. 

We walked hand in hand with our son down main street with our cones and I could feel the weight of all the “what if’s” and “how will we’s” lifting. I have no idea what the future holds for us, but for now, we get to give our son a piece of the childhood I loved. He gets to wake up every morning and hug his grandparents. He gets to see his other grandparents and all his aunts and uncles way more often. I get to call up my besties for a random playdate on a Tuesday afternoon. I have dreamed of that for the last 9 years.

With the weight of it all just a little bit less, I’ve been able to see this change with new eyes. God has us here for a reason. He answered my prayer in His way. This will be a season of trusting Him more deeply. This will be a season of staying PRESENT instead of planning. A season of drinking deep from the well of family and friendship. Filling our cups with all the sweetness of home. 

The only constant in baseball is its unpredictability. We may stay here for 10 years. We might have a new team next season. I have no way of knowing and no way of controlling it. So, here I am, learning to let go, to trust and to focus on all the blessings in front of me instead of looking towards a future I can’t control.

Here’s to a new chapter! Thanks for coming along for the ride.

XO, Nicole

::THESE WOMEN::

There is something so beautiful about the unconditional love that comes from true friends. Not bound to loving you by blood or by law, the love of a friend is something chosen freely, over and over again, through the good and the bad. I think that kind of friendship is rare. I’m blessed to know it and claim it as mine.

I got to spend the weekend with some of my oldest friends, women I have grown up with. We talked and we laughed. We played in the snow, fell into fits of laughter from a ridiculous game of charades, drank good wine and ate good food. Free of the all the responsibilities we carry at home (kids and husbands and jobs and…), we relaxed more deeply than we had in a long time. This weekend we were able to just be. And I was reminded of how insanely important this kind of time is. Not just because we all need a break- we most certainly do- but because drinking deep from the well of true friendship is essential for my soul.

These women, these are people who know me in a way that no one else on earth knows me. Women who have seen me grow and struggle and succeed. They’ve walked with me as I’ve made every decision of my life since I was…14… when I am in a season of struggling to remember who I am at my core, these are the women who can remind me, my compass on a dark night.

I remember moving away from them for the first time. We all went to middle school together and by the time we graduated high school we knew we would be forever friends. I went to college with 3 of my best friends and most of us ended up back in our hometown after college. So, by the time my new husband and I moved to Seattle to start our marriage in an unfamiliar city, I had been living in the same place as at least 3 of these friends for over 10 years. I didn’t know life without them.  I found myself in that rainy, Emerald city…completely lost, unable to find myself in this new life. My friends had been the mirrors reflecting my best self back to me for almost half my life. Without them, I couldn’t see my reflection.

Of course, there was a lot of necessary growth that came from being apart from my people. Being able to hold the mirror up for myself is one of the most important skills I’ve learned as an adult. But, what I also learned in those early years of being a coach’s wife and living away from my people, was how much I deeply needed these women. Our friendship was more than girl talk and fun (mostly boozy) adventures. These friendships were deeply woven into the foundation of my life and who I had become.

These are the women who can read my heart and speak the words for me when I can’t quite form them. These are the women who know exactly what hard questions to ask to help me find clarity when I can’t see through the fog. These are the women who remember small details of my past that I can’t locate- even the ridiculous ones, like how I would always eat tuna sandwiches at lunch in high school. I have no idea why they remember that, but I love that they do. These are the women who hold my hand and sit beside me in silence, when words just don’t feel right. These are the women who bring out the silly, crazy, lighthearted me that struggles to show up most days under the weight of adulthood. These are the women who challenge me to be better, not because they think I’m failing, but because they see the potential in me that I haven’t seen yet.

Our lives are busier than ever these days. We still don’t all live in the same town – in fact, a friend’s upcoming move to Arizona is the reason we moved mountains to make this weekend happen. I wish we could do this more, but I know for certain the last 3 days have filled my cup reminding me once again how insanely grateful I am that God gave me this tribe of strong, beautiful women who love me just as I am.

Sitting at the airport waiting for my delayed flight home, I opened my laptop to start writing because a knew I needed to capture these feelings before they were swept up and lost in the week ahead. I committed to putting my friendships on the top of my priority list. It’s easy to let them slip down to the bottom when things like work and family consume so much of my energy. But I am a better mom, a better wife, a better employee- frankly, a better human- when I connect with to these women. Our friendship is a vital piece of a healthy, happy Nicole.

What are some ways that you find time to connect with your tribe in the midst of your busy life? Share in the comments below!

XO, Nicole

Simplifying Back to School: Part 2 {Meals}

There is nothing that stresses me out more than feeding my family. I’m not even kidding. The anxiety I feel around meal planning and prep is ridiculous. It baffles me. Throw anything at me …suicidal student at work? Got it covered. Juggling life as a full time working mom and coach’s wife with a gig on the side? Watch me go. Infertility diagnosis? Hear my battle cry, biatch!

But, ask me to feed myself and my family and you’ll find me in huddled in the corner crying. I have had numerous breakdowns around this topic. I haven’t really unpacked why that is, but its real. Oh. Em. Gee I hate meal planning and prepping and cooking and making…. I do enjoy the eating though. I definitely enjoy eating.

Alas, the family must eat. So I have worked and reworked my approach to meals many many times. I think it’s still a work in progress, but I’ve found some tips that have really helped me.

If you’re someone who enjoys all things food- you might roll your eyes at me. If you’re like me though, I hope you find these little tidbits helpful.

less time in the kitchen means more time goofing off with this guy

MEAL PLANNING:

Meal planning is a special kind of torture. It’s like, I sit down to plan out the meals for the week and ALL the meal ideas fly out of my head and I stare blankly at the page. Hmmm…what do I know how to cook? So, I started to write it down. I now have a list of dinners we like to eat that, I don’t mind making, and are relatively healthy.

From that list I plan my dinners out by the month. Yes, THE MONTH. I have an excel spreadsheet for each month and I plug in weekends and big evening events, when Jordon will be out of town, etc. Then, I start to plug in meals. Now that I have got it going, I basically copy and paste the meals each month and adjust for whatever is on our calendar. Does it get boring? Kinda. Does it keep me sane? Mostly 😉

example of a month of dinners

I also wrote down all of our usual weekly and monthly grocery items in an excel sheet. I even divided it by grocery store and  department. Now when I sit down to plan my meals and write my grocery list, it’s basically planned for me. I can add and adjust the dinner plan and grocery list as necessary, but the bulk of the work, the part that makes my head spin the most, is done for me. It took a few hours to get it set up, but it was SUPER worth it.

And now that I’m not even stepping foot in a grocery store with Instacart… easy peasy lemon squeezy! My membership is $15 a month and I am positive that I save that amount at least because I am avoiding impulse buys. You can also check and see if your grocery store has free store pickup. I’ve heard Walmart and Raley’s does this. You just pull into the parking lot and they load up you car. We just don’t have one near me so Instacart it is.

So here is a little more about my plans and prep by meal:

Breakfast:

Since I am practicing intermittent fasting, I don’t eat breakfast. That makes things pretty simple for me in the morning. And, since I am currently {pregnant until proven otherwise} I have decided to give up caffeine so I make a cup of herbal tea and add some collagen powder to it for a boost of protein and good-for-you amino acids. I like Great Lakes Hydrolysate Collagen because it comes from grass-fed cows and is non-GMO. It also dissolves quickly into liquid.  I also take my chewable prenatal vitamins- I’m using Smarty Pants Organic Prenatals because they have methylated folate, omega 3’s and probiotics. Pill vitamins make me throw up so these are the best of the chewable options that I’ve found.

Austin’s breakfast is always something he can eat on his own without a big mess. Right now I’ve got the fridge stocked with Stonyfield Organic Yogurt Squeezers that I got for a great price at Costco. He will grab that from the fridge, I‘ll open it for him and then he is good to go. If there is time, I’ll also make him toast with some peanut butter. If there isn’t time, I bring a snack bar (these are his favorites) in the car with us in case he says he’s hungry on our ride to school.

Real talk for a second: I don’t love the amount of sugar in the yogurt or the processed bar. In my fantasy Super Mom world I make him a nutritious breakfast each morning…or even a superfood smoothie. But, the more I struggled to hold myself to that standard, the more my mom guilt ate at me when I couldn’t keep up {which was like everyday} I remember sobbing at the sink one night because I felt so guilty for making him a sunbutter and jelly sandwich for lunch…I cried to my husband that I was a terrible mother and he looked at me like I was bat-shit crazy. (because I was; thank you postpartum anxiety). So now, I try and balance it out as much as I can with his other meals and I give myself grace. Because let’s be real, yogurt and breakfast bars aren’t. even. bad. and a sane mother is also important!

 

Lunch:

I keep things pretty standard for my lunch. Some veggies, some hard boiled eggs, a yogurt (I’m really enjoying Kite Hill with some chia seeds) a piece of fruit, nuts and usually leftovers. I let myself buy 2 meals per week at school since our cafeteria is delish. Last year I was super into egg salad on a bed of spinach leaves. I haven’t quite gotten into my groove yet with meals for myself. I find that if I keep it pretty standard then I don’t stress about it so much. Again, boring? Kinda. But I’m good with boring if it means I’m not crying in a corner over sandwich {insert eyeroll here}.

This Planetbox lunchbox has changed packing Austin’s lunch for me. More than anything it just mentally streamlines what I need to pack and it makes cleanup way easier. I just fill each compartment with something yummy and nutritious and I’m good to go. In the biggest compartment I basically rotate between hummus with pretzels and carrots or a sandwich. Austin goes to a Jewish daycare and isn’t allowed to bring meat, so I have to get a little creative with protein. Recently, I made up a bunch of these Kodiak Cakes muffins and froze them. They are packed with protein and yummy. So, I throw one of those in there every few days instead of the sandwich. The smaller compartments get cut up fruit and veggies, Rhythm Superfoods Carrot Sticks, Harvest Pea Crisps and crackers and cheese. The center compartment gets a sweet treat- a few fruit snacks or a mini cookie. I also still pack a fruit and veggie pouch since he basically won’t eat veggies otherwise. Feel free to send me all your “hidden veggies” recipes.

I actually am having fun making his lunches now that we got this lunch box. I also love that it is stainless steel so I am not thinking about toxic plastics leaching into his food or ending up in that big plastic island in the middle of the sea. Save the whales, y’all. It’s pricey, but it’s gonna last me forever.

You might notice that I haven’t talked about my husband in this post so far. That’s because he is responsible for himself for breakfast and lunch. He is pretty particular about what he eats and how it’s made and I never know what his schedule is for the day and if he even needs a packed lunch. SOOOOOO…cross that off my list.

Dinner:

Let’s talk dinner. By the time I get home at night I refuse to spend more than 30 minutes preparing a meal. I also shut down when a recipe calls for more that about 5 ingredients…all of which need to be something I’m gonna use more than once for that particular recipe. Tahini is not in my fridge…neither is saffron or bay leaves…

Here are some of the main meals on rotation:

On Sundays I like to do a big crock pot dish. Usually salsa chicken (I add some taco seasoning to this recipe and often use frozen breasts too ) or teriyaki chicken (I loosely follow this recipe ). This will last us a few days of meals so it makes my life easier on the weeknights. You can throw these over rice, in a veggie bowl, in a salad or a tortilla and it’s pretty tasty.

Sausage. Everyone in my house loves sausage. I love that it’s easy to cook and pretty cheap at Trader Joes or Aldi. I get the chicken sausage that’s nitrate free. Steam some veggies up in this puppy and we’re good to go. I also like a variety of the frozen veggies at Trader Joe’s.

One Pan Pesto Chicken – throw some pesto sauce and mozzarella over a chicken breast. Chop veggies you like (this one goes great with asparagus and cherry tomatoes) and toss in olive oil and salt and pepper. Cook them all together in the oven at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes. You can do one pan chicken with just about any flavor and veggie combo. And it makes clean up easy because … well it’s all in one pan!

Breakfast for Dinner– a classic right? Throw some eggs and toast together. Add whatever meat you have on hand. If I’m feeling really fancy I’ll make pancakes or french toast.  And guess what, I make that “super food smoothie” for dessert on BfD night! Austin thinks they are milkshakes…#momwin

 

There ya have it: how I’ve simplified meals in our house. Everyone gets fed. Mama’s happy. I call that a win!  When I’m rich, I’ll be hiring a chef- obviously.

 

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