Coping with Infertility During the Holidays

surviving infertility during the holidays

Lately, I have this odd inner rebel thing that happens on holidays. Everyone posts their obligatory  “Happy (insert holiday)” pic on social media and I’m like “nope, I’m not gonna do it”…I generally end up doing it anyway (because I have a damn cute family – hello!?), but that rebel is silently shaking her head at me. I haven’t  really understood where it came from, but it hit me today…it’s the pregnancy announcements. The holidays naturally lend themselves to be a great time for pregnancy announcements. Families are together and the cutesy phrases are endless and adorable. “Can’t wait to welcome our little turkey”, bellies wrapped in bows, and ultrasound pics fill my feed…

It hit me today, as I was watching my not-so-little man drift off to sleep, that it’s quite likely we would have made a similar pregnancy announcement this holiday season had our little embryo snuggled in tighter. But he didn’t and we aren’t. So my inner rebel, or maybe really it’s my broken heart, is boycotting the cute holiday instagram feeds because inevitably I’m going to see all the pregnancy announcements and inevitably it’s going to hurt. coping with infertility during the holidays

The holidays are rough when you’re on an infertility journey. Being surrounded by family is at the same time comforting and a painful reminder of what you’re trying to create that just isn’t happening for you. Without fail, someone is going to ask me when I’m going to have another baby, launching into a monologue about how you don’t want to wait too long or the kids won’t have a close relationship and you don’t want to be changing diapers forever… and don’t forget, you’re getting older! There will always be the cousin who got pregnant on accident, the aunt who feels comfortable telling what you really need to do to get pregnant, the uncle who makes a tone-deaf joke about your husband’s manhood, the long lost friend from high school who, after too many glasses of pinot, asks all the inappropriate questions …maybe it isn’t these specific examples, but you get the idea… the holidays are an infertility minefield.

I’m sorry to say, my fellow infertility warriors, but it’s pretty unavoidable. So, how do we survive the holidays…or even more importantly, enjoy the holidays… as we navigate the minefield?

tips for surviving the holidays with infertility

Here are some of the tips I’ve been working on. I’d love to know your holiday survival tips too!

  1. Take care of yourself first. There is no way that you can respond well to Aunt Ida’s probing questions if you are tired, stressed and overwhelmed. What is in your toolbox? What are you go-to things that help recharge you? Know them. Do them. Often. For me, I know I’m better with a good night sleep, some exercise and time spent focused on what I’m grateful for.
  2. Know how you are going to respond. For the most part, we can anticipate the kind of questions or comments that are coming. It’s so helpful to plan and visualize what you want to say and how you want to respond. Have a one-liner ready for when people start asking. It’s the hardest when we aren’t prepared to respond; we tend to respond out of our emotional rawness. I think it is 100% okay to respond with tears, or to express to that their words, though likely unintentional, were hurtful. But, when we find ourselves out of control of our emotions that is when things can spiral and head in a direction we don’t want to go. Similarly, know how you are going to respond internally. You might be able to brush off your cousins questions and change the subject, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t spinning on the inside as she blabbers on about her annoying coworkers. Find a word, phrase, mantra or prayer that will center you, comfort you and allow you to let go of the inner emotional storm. Repeat until you can breathe a little easier.
  3. Identify your safe spaces. Where are you going to go if you need to take a break, if you need to cry, or punch a pillow? Who are the people who you can talk to? Your spouse is a good one to start with, but they could be dealing with their own struggles, naturally. So who else can be your “person”? Know who you feel comfortable asking to hang with you for a minute. Maybe that person can play defense for you too if they see an awkward situation unfolding. Let ‘em know you need their help- heck, make up a code word that lets them know you need to get OUTTA HERE NOW!
  4. Focus on the parts you love. If there is anything I’ve learned it’s that we HAVE to find joy in the waiting, in the pain, in the fear and doubt… it’s the only way. So, what do you LOVE about the holidays? Do you love baking with grandma? Card games with your cousins? Long afternoon walks admiring the gorgeous fall leaves? Do you love visiting the houses that go all-out with Christmas lights? Or snuggling up by a fire with a good book? Fill your schedule with the things you love about the holidays and try to just get lost in them. Be in the moment as much a possible. When that wave of sadness arrives, let it wash in and wash out. Acknowledge it and then turn your attention back to the beautiful moment that is right in front of you. tips for surviving the holidays with infertility
  5. Give yourself grace. Like heaps and heaps of grace. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel sad, and to cry and to think that your cousin’s pregnant wife was a total jerk for complaining about feeling fat- you’d give anything to feel “fat”. It’s okay if you need to skip your neighbors holiday party because what really feels good for your soul tonight is snuggling up with your hubby and watching Love Actually. It’s okay to put your needs first, to take care of your heart instead of worrying about offending someone else. Grace, my friend, lots and lots of grace.

 

How do you find joy during the holidays while walking with infertility? Let me know in the comments.

** for the record, not all of these examples have happened to me in this exact way, or on this particular holiday. It’s a combination of my stories and my fellow ttc community’s stories

My Natural Medicine Cabinet :: what I use to keep us healthy

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor or medical professional.
Everything written here is my opinion based on my own
research and experience. Please talk to your doctor and do
your own research.

Ahhhh cold and flu season is upon us again. As a working mom, just the thought of it ties a huge knot in my stomach. My first fall back to work with Little Man in daycare was a special kind of crazy. I can’t tell you how many meetings and workshops I had to cancel to stay home with my sick kiddo. The fall is my busiest time at work {college application season} so the lack of my presence is felt and it made me feel awful. By the end of the year I was clean out of sick AND vacation time and had to take unpaid days- which meant even less money in my already small paycheck. The feeling of being torn between taking care of my most precious gift and being present for work is maddening. Countless times I called my husband exclaiming “I quit! There is no way for me to work and be a good mom; I’m done!” Well, clearly I am still working and while the struggle is real, I do believe you CAN be a good mom and have a career.

All this to say, it is my mission this fall to take as few sick days as possible. So, I’ve been stocking my medicine cabinet with my natural essentials to get us through the season. I’m not anti-medicine, but I always prefer to reach for a natural remedy before I reach for over-the-counter medications. I believe that prevention is a way better strategy than treating symptoms once they arrive. Plus, the ingredients in most OTC medications are kind of atrocious and it feels like study after study is revealing that OTC meds are overused and not as safe as we’ve been lead to believe.

Let me give you the rundown of my “medicine cabinet”

First and foremost– a healthy diet, regular exercise and plenty of water is the baseline for your health. When the hubs and I started to focus on those three things we saw a huge decrease in how frequently we got sick. No amount of elderberry syrup can combat a diet riddled with fast food and sugar. Which brings me to..

Elderberry Syrup– this immunity booster is having a moment for sure. Studies like this one  suggest it has powerful protective effects against the cold and flu viruses. The elderberry syrup I use is semi-homemade 🙂 I buy a premade kit from Mama Mac’s Crunchy Kits on Facebook. You can find many similar ones on your local crunchy Facebook groups or Etsy or you can make it from scratch using a recipe like this one from Wellness Mama . I cook it up when we need it and keep it in the fridge. It lasts a long time. We all take it daily and we up the frequency when it feels like we are fighting something or when we know the flu is going around. It tastes yummy and Little Man never fights me on it. You can also buy some from the store, but I haven’t liked those ones as much.

yumm smells so good

 

 

 

 

Bee Propolis  – I just discovered this amazing product from Beekeeper’s Naturals and I’m loving it! Propolis is  a protective substance bees make to protect their hive walls. It basically acts like the immune system for the hive. How cool is that!? It contains over 300 powerful natural compounds known for to supporting immunity. I bought the BeeKeepers Natural throat spray a few weeks ago and it’s been amazing. Little Man and I have both been fighting a cold…it’s there, but so far we aren’t sick enough for it to slow us down. A few sprays every day is helping to sooth our throats and we have not gotten full blown sick! I’m a believer.

Probiotics– Our gut is where so much of our health and immunity begins. A good probiotic is a basic in my house. I use Plexus VitalBiome, but there are so many good ones on the market. Little Man takes the Plexus XFactor Kids multivitamin that has probiotics in it.

Apple Cider Vinegar– the hubs swears by Apple Cider Vinegar for all the things. I’ll be honest, I don’t take it regularly. But he takes a “shot” every morning and there is good reason to think its preventing him from getting sick since the man is never sick and he doesn’t really follow the rest of my “natural remedies”. He uses Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar Cleanse and it definitely goes down easier than pure ACV.

Essential oils– If you haven’t discovered the power of essential oils yet, you need to! I’ve basically replaced all the medicine I used to use with EO’s. I use DoTerra, mostly because that is what I was introduced to first and I trust that they are pure. It is super important to learn about using these powerful oils. They are incredible, but not always safe for use with kids, animals or various medical conditions. My favorite oils for immunity and illness are:

  • DoTerra Onguard products- this is the immunity blend and they have several products with it. I dilute it in a roller ball and rub on Austin’s feet and back daily. I will diffuse it all through the house to kill germs and boost our immunity. I also will take the internal capsules for myself a few times a week. I love the spray hand sanitizer too.
  • DoTerra Oregano- this is a hot oil and I would NOT use it on kids. If I know I am about to get sick, I will put one drop of this oil in a glass of water and chug- trying to not get any of it on my lips because it does burn a bit. But seriously, if I do this, the next day I feel great. I wouldn’t do it daily, but it’s a great pinch hitter for me.
  • DoTerra Breathe – Stuffy nose and coughs are no match for this oil! Think a natural version of Vicks Vaporub. I will dilute this one in my Beautycounter Soothing Baby Oil or Baby Balm and rub on the chest of whoever is sick. You can diffuse it while you sleep to help open your airways too. Instant relief.
  • DoTerra DigestZen- DigestZen helps all my tummy aches. I just dilute and rub it on my belly or my kiddo’s belly and within about 30 minutes things are feeling better.

Mullein Garlic Oil  – I get the craziest looks from my friends when I talk about this one, but seriously, Little Man hasn’t had an ear infection since I started using this (and he had a lot in his first year of life).I will do maintenance drops in both ears for prevention every few weeks. When cold and flu season hits I typically do it once a week. If I notice a stuffy nose or cough I’ll do it once a day. It treats infections that already exist too, but we haven’t used it like that since he hasn’t gotten any since using it. Warning: your kiddo will smell like garlic.

Detox baths– Once a week Little Man takes a detox bath and when I feel like he’s fighting something I will do it a few times a week. It’s just a mix of ½ cup epsom salts and 2 tablespoons baking soda dissolved in a hot bath (be sure they stay in there for 15-20 minutes to get the full benefits). Epsom salts contain magnesium sulfate which is a powerful detoxification mineral. It helps draw out and remove impurities in our bodies and also allows us to absorb the magnesium which supports so many of our bodily functions. The baking soda also promotes detoxification and helps balance the body’s pH.These baths also promote relaxation. Sometimes I’ll add a few drops of DoTerra’s Serenity blend essential oil to promote extra relaxation, too. You can double the recipe for a relaxing detox bath of your own. We sleep great after a detox bath!

One last thing…I know the fevers can be scary and there is definitely a point where they need to be reduced, but in general people are really quick to give a fever reducer like Tylenol when our kiddos have a fever. The thing is, fevers are our body’s natural way of fighting infection, If we don’t let the fever do it’s thaaaang then we often are prolonging the illness in our bodies. When Little Man is sick a really focus on letting the fever run its course and not medicating. I talked to his doctor about it and of course you should too, but there is value in a fever even though they are no fun, so don’t just jump to getting rid of it.

There you have it, my arsenal of natural remedies and immunity boosters.

What have you tried to naturally fight cold and flu season? 

Comment and let me know!

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Guide to Safer Cleaning :: I did the work so you don’t have to

Cleaning products were one of the first things I started to switch over when I decided to pursue a healthier, safer lifestyle. And OH.EM.GEE. it felt like the never ending journey. I have tried so many different cleaning products it makes my head spin. The cleaning industry is just as misleading as the beauty industry in terms of labeling and green washing. I would try something thinking it was safe because it said natural or eco-friendly, only to find out after months of using it that it was not, in fact, safe.

Talk about frustrating! 

That is why I am so excited to share my Guide to Safer Cleaning! You can skip the trial and error and head straight for the good stuff.

First though, a brief explanation on WHY you should switch your cleaning products to safer options. There are hundreds of chemicals used in cleaning products that we have scientific evidence to show are linked to issues such as:

  • Asthma
  • Cancer
  • Reproductive  and developmental toxicity
  • Allergies and irritations
  • Burns and poison

I’m not too interested in getting anything on that list.

To add insult to injury, many of the so-called disinfectants on the market, aren’t that good at disinfecting!

The Environmental Working Group is a wealth of information on this stuff.  Click here for more details on the hazards of cleaning products.

They also have an AMAZING database that gives meaning products a rating of A-F. You can check what you’re currently using and see how it rates!

Here are my favorites! I love them because they work, they are safe and they aren’t crazy expensive!

P.S. Some of these are affiliate links where I get a small commission if you purchase through that link. I’d very much appreciate it if you would!

P.P.S. I added a PDF version of this guide to the bottom of the blog post. Print it out for your convenience!

WINDOWS:

Norwex Window Cloth
Cleans windows beautifully with just water

SURFACES:

Force of Nature Non-toxic all purpose disinfecting spray! Amazing and the safest spray I’ve seen. Has replaced all my other sprays and even toilet bowl cleaner. It’s so safe, I even let my little man help me clean with it.

Norwex EnviroCloth – Cleans ALL surfaces with just water

FLOORS:

Norwex Mop System- it’s so much easier to mop my floors with this mop. No dealing with buckets of cleaning solution or filling the sink. Just add water to the mop pad and get to it!

LAUNDRY

Detergent- Molly’s Suds Laundry Powder (Amazon $0.16/load) Works great with a fresh peppermint scent!

Whitener- Molly’s Suds Oxygen Whitener (Amazon $12.99)

Stain Remover- Beautycounter’s Charcoal Cleansing Bar (for real! It works better than Oxyclean on my stains)

DISH SOAP

Ecover Zero Dish Soap, Fragrance Free (Amazon, $0.16/fl oz) It’s basic, but it gets the grease off really well. It’s lasted us a LONG time too.

DISHWASHER

Seventh Generation Free and Clear Auto Dish Packs (Amazon $0.41/pack) or Powder (Amazon $0.17/oz)  

*Powder is cheaper, but my hubby likes the packs. Both get the job done, but I want to try a few more before I commit

WANT TO TRY: Ecover Zero Dishwasher Tablets (Amazon $0.23/tablet)

Get the PDF Version here! BBM Guide to Safer Cleaning

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave