Category: Infertility

Maybe it’s not the bacon?

Your frying pan is making you fat. But I’m not talking about the bacon.

Have you heard of Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals (EDCs)? If you’ve hung around me long enough, I know you have. Well, recently I got the chance to hear Dr. Leo Trasande speak to us Beautycounter consultants all about his work researching EDCs and their impact on our bodies. Let me tell you, it’s mind blowing and a little scary.

Real quick. If you don’t know Dr. Trasande, he is a pediatrician and world renowned expert in environmental health. He has all sorts of amazing credentials that you can check out along with much of his published research here. He has an incredible book out Sicker, Fatter, Poorer that lays all of his research out for us normal folks to understand. Suffice it to say, the man knows his stuff. 

If you didn’t know, the endocrine system is SUPER DUPER important to almost all of our bodily functions. It is responsible for regulating a range of bodily functions through the release of hormones.

Examples of things the endocrine system regulates include:

  • metabolism
  • growth and development
  • sexual function and reproduction
  • heart rate
  • blood pressure
  • appetite
  • sleeping and waking cycles
  • body temperature

Pretty important stuff, eh?

So, when we are exposed to these Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals what happens? The way Dr. Trasande put it: they scramble our hormones and contribute to disease. There are countless chemicals that are considered EDCs and honestly, they are still working to identify all of them. Each works a little differently. Some change our gene expression, some mimic hormones in the body, some trigger dormant issues. Regardless, they have been found to have an impact on our health at LOW levels of exposure. 

This is all relatively new data. My jaw dropped when he told us that the FIRST report on EDCs was published in 2009. That’s only 11 years ago. By 2015 studies had identified 15 chronic conditions linked to exposure to EDCs. Recent studies have increased that number to THIRTY TWO! — imagine what a few more years of research will reveal!

We’re talking about conditions like:

  • Cancers
  • Diabetes
  • Reproductive dysfunction and infertility
  • Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s
  • Learning disabilities
  • Asthma

…and obesity.  

Mhmmm, EDC’s are obesogens. Meaning they mess up your body’s ability to regulate your weight. Where do we find EDC’s … well, one place is that non stick frying pan you’ve got. Hence the bacon reference above. Studies show that exposure to the PFAS (perfluorooctanesulfonic acid) that makeup the non-stick coating you love slows your metabolism. The higher the PFAS levels found in study participants, the slower the metabolism. PFAS are forever chemicals meaning they do not degrade over time. They stick around. 

Where else are these suckers hiding? Everywhere, kinda. Plastics. Food. Food packaging. Personal care products & cosmetics. Furniture. Pharmaceuticals. Pesticides. Water. Soil.

See what I mean. I don’t want to sound doom and gloom because there are things you can do to reduce exposure (we will get to that). But, I also think it’s really important that we understand just how critical and invasive this problem is. 

Dr. Trasande’s research estimates (underestimates actually) that EDCs cost us over $340 billion in health care costs each year. This isn’t just a health issue. It’s an economic one, too. 

Our food supply is where we see the strongest data about the effects of EDCs. Plastics like phthalates and bisphenols are used throughout the supply chain and are the main source of packaging for our foods. Phthalates leach into our food even without being exposed to heat! So really, the plastic tupperware you are keeping your leftovers in can be exposing you to EDCs even if you use a ceramic plate to heat it back up when it’s lunch time. 

Critical question: what are the top EDCs to avoid and where do we find them?

PFAS

Perfluoroalkyl and polyfluoroalkyl substances are synthetic chemicals found in many products, including food packaging, household cleaners and nonstick cookware. They are known as forever chemicals because they do not degrade much over time. 

Bisphenols

You’ve heard of BPA in plastic, but did you know the other bisphenols they are replacing it with are just as bad. Avoid plastic as much as possible for food, drinks or other items you might put in your mouth (think baby toys). I love stainless steel, glass and silicone and there are so many great options out there now. 

Phthalates

Phthalates are chemicals commonly added to plastics to increase their flexibility and durability. They are quite literally in everything. Food packings, beauty products, perfumes, cleaning supplies and detergents, pharmaceutical pills, glue! That’s just a sampling. In the past few years, researchers have linked phthalates to asthma, ADHD, breast cancer, obesity and type II diabetes, low IQ, neurodevelopmental issues, behavioral issues, autism spectrum disorders, altered reproductive development and male fertility issues. YEESH!

Parabens.

These chemicals are widely used as artificial preservatives in cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, foods, and beverages. Common parabens are methylparaben, ethylparaben, propylparaben, and butylparaben. Often more than one paraben is used in a single product. Personal care products are the greatest contributors to paraben exposure. They are suspected to contribute to reproductive issues and breast cancer.

Flame Retardants

Brominated flame retardants (BFRs) are used in many household products like electronics, clothing, furniture and mattresses to reduce flammability. BFRs often migrate out of their products over time where they may contaminate household dust and food. 

This is not an exhaustive list, but it’s definitely the place to start. 

So what do we do? Change starts with us. The way we shop influences the market and the products that companies make. In just a few years we’ve seen the clean beauty industry EXPLODE. And that is because you vote with your dollar every time you buy a clean lipstick and companies notice. When you go to make a purchase, ask yourself if there is a way to reduce your exposure to EDC’s with the choice you make. There probably is!

  1. Scan your personal care products for paraben and phthalates and start swapping them.

2. Start converting your kitchenware to non-plastic options. And definitely get rid of the teflon and nonstick cookware ASAP.

3. Shop local and fresh and organic whenever possible. Farmers Markets are a great option for this. When and where you can, reduce the use of plastic packaging. 

4. If you can’t shop organic all the time (I mean who has the budget really?) Focus on the Dirty Dozen and Clean 15 from EWG.

5. Make sure your canned goods are BPA free or pick things packed in glass or TetraPaks. Dr. Trasande couldn’t say definitively that tetrapaks were 100% safe, but he said they are absolutely safer than BPA.

6. Next time you are making a big purchase for your household like a couch or mattress, look for options that do not contain flame retardants. 

AND:: Be on the lookout for my list of favorite safer swaps to avoid EDC’s coming soon!

There is hope! California just passed AB 2762, the Toxic-Free Cosmetics Act (shameless plug for Beautycounter because our advocacy efforts played a huge role in making this happen!) It will explicitly prohibit the use of the 12 of the most harmful chemicals and contaminants in cosmetics including: mercury, three types of formaldehyde, some of the most toxic parabens and phthalates, and the fluorinated compounds known as PFAS.

See any familiar EDCs in that list? It’s a massive victory for the whole country because companies will need to reformulate if they want to sell in CA (which they do) so the rest of the country will get the new formulas, too. It makes me do my happy dance just thinking about it!

We are also advocating for more oversight and better beauty laws in Washington DC. Want to help? Just text BETTERBEAUTY to 52886 and follow the steps. You’ll be telling congress you support bipartisan legislation to get harmful ingredients out of our products. Look at you go, you activist, you!

Last MOST IMPORTANT point:

Dr. Trasande really emphasized PROGRESS over perfection in this. Even a small reduction in our exposure can have significant short term and long term health benefits. Do what you can when you can and don’t lose sleep over the rest. 

What products do you most want to know safer swaps for? Let me know in the comments.

xo, Nicole

The Honest Truth


I’m starting to wrap my head around the fact that {hopefully} a month from now we will be finally pregnant with our 2nd. In just a few weeks I’ll find myself in the familiar routine of hormones and shots and Wanda. So. much. Wanda. By mid summer I’ll be peeing on sticks and praying for morning sickness. Especially against the backdrop of COVID19, I’ve been struggling to find my footing. 

Here’s the honest truth. I’m terrified. 

I’m scared of it not working…

  • of hearing the nurse call with that “I’m so sorry” tone in her voice I know too well
  • of the feeling of my heart shattering into a million pieces
  • of having to tell our son, who wants a baby sister so badly he never stops talking about it, that he has to keep waiting. 
  • of losing myself again. I’ve worked really hard to get back to a healthy place.
  • of having to decide whether we will try again, or accept that this is the end.
  • of wondering who she would have been, too– two babies in heaven is enough to wonder about. 

What I didn’t expect, though. What I’m still trying to sort out with God is…I am also scared of it working.

  • of losing the baby later in the pregnancy
  • of having a c-section again
  • of not having a c-section again
  • of an uncertain world that awaits us as we recover from COVID19
  • of not having a say in what vaccines she gets and when
  • of whether I can really handle two children and be a good mom to both
  • of getting postpartum anxiety again and losing all the progress I’ve made
  • of having another child to worry about. The thought of losing a child is crippling.

Do I have it in me? Do I really have the strength to face it all? And as I plead with God. As I bring Him each fear and beg Him for clarity, He reminds me: Isaiah 41:13.

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

God gave me this verse at the very beginning of our infertility.  “Nicole, do not fear; I am holding your hand.” 

He has never let go. He even gave us a little boy’s hand to hold to remind me when my faith is wobbly.

Does this make me stop feeling fear? Not always. But, it does remind me where to look when I feel it. 

::When Hope Hurts::

“Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.” Friedrich Nietzsche

Well geez, Nicole, that’s a little dark. 

I know… and it’s not my usual outlook, but today, I’m angry at hope. I’m angry at the small, tiny voice of hope that says “what if”. What if you really are pregnant this time and not just late?

Of course I’m not. The red streak on that wad of toilet paper confirmed it for me just moments ago.

I’m angry that despite all logic, all knowing, all the years of irregular cycles that tell me this is just another late cycle…despite it all…I google the symptoms, I count the days, I negotiate when I will actually pee on that stupid stick…if I make it until Saturday morning I’ll test.  It’s Friday afternoon. 

I’m angry that I still, after all the needles and dollars and dates with ‘wanda’, I still found myself feeling giddy and daydreaming about how I would tell my husband that we were pregnant– on our own.

I still calculated the due date and wondered if maybe we wouldn’t find out the gender until the baby was born. I still allowed myself to believe it was possible.

Hope. Today I wish I could silence her tiny but unyielding voice. Today I wonder if I will spend the rest of my life, at least my pre-menopausal life, facing the heartbreak of hoping despite all odds that I’m actually pregnant this time. 

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow I will embrace hope, love hope, believe in the necessity of hope.

But not today.

 

 

Comin’ Home

2 Comments

 

713FD137-DE02-4E7E-BFA4-BC423B29A7A2Oh hey! I know, I’ve taken a lot hiatus from blogging. But I’m back! Since the last time I wrote a lot of life has happened (hence the blogging had to take a backseat) so I figured a life update would be a good place to start. Here’s the bullet point version:

  • April- began 3rd frozen embryo transfer cycle (FET) with a new doctor
  • May – transferred a perfect embryo, but it ended with a negative test
  • June- Hubby got let go from job so we sell half our belongings, put the other half in storage and move in with my parents in NorCal
  • July- Hubby gets new coaching job in the Bay Area so we are staying put

Kinda makes your head spin, huh? It certainly felt like life decided to throw it all a us at once, just to see how tough we really are. Just to test our faith, see how we would handle it all. 

Our FET cycle was pretty rough on me physically-more than I remember the other cycles ever being. From the moment I started the birth control pills I was nauseous, dizzy, tired…ugh! I’ll save the whole story for another blog post. I learned a lot, faced some fears (like giving myself progesterone injections) and ultimately ended up heartbroken with another negative pregnancy test. 

We barely had time to begin grieving our loss when our life…got flipped turned upside-down 😉

My husband and the rest of the coaching staff at CSUN got let go. These things happen. Of course I have all sorts of feelings on the injustice of it all, but ultimately, in coaching things are never guaranteed. We knew at some point in his career this would probably happen. You never expect it to happen on a Thursday morning, a week after a failed FET cycle when you were supposed to go camping the next day. We did the math and despite my stable counseling job, the only thing that made sense financially was to move in with my parents back in my hometown. 

It’s funny… for months I had been praying a little prayer under my breath.. “Lord, get us out of here” Just like that. Blunt. To the point. Daily. It’s hard to fully explain; our life in SoCal was wonderful in so many ways, but I was tired. Tired of hopping on the hamster wheel every morning and hopping off exhausted at the end of the night just to do it all over again the next day. I was struggling to show up for myself and my family the way I wanted. The vision I have for my family didn’t look much like the life we were living. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. We were and are blessed beyond comprehension, yet I know there is something different for us. I wanted out. Out of the rat race, out of California with it’s crazy taxes and policies, out of feeling like I’d never catch my breath.

Well, God answered, but not how I had envisioned he would. Typical. About a week after we moved in to my parents home, my husband was offered a coaching position at St. Mary’s College…right up the road (okay, an hour with traffic) from my parents. I attended SMC for my masters degree; my hubby had worked there as one of his very first baseball jobs. It’s a great place. 

I should have felt nothing but excitement- we were home! But, I’ll be honest, that wasn’t how I felt at first. I didn’t (and still don’t) know how we will make it financially in the uber expensive bay area when it’s time to leave my parents home. We’ll likely be here for a year. I don’t know where another baby fits in with this new chapter. I don’t know how the quality of life I’m craving for my family can exist here for the long term. And the control freak in me was having a really hard time reconciling it all. 

But then, we took Austin for ice cream at the dairy…

The dairy, for anyone who isn’t from here, is a drive-thru mini market that has been around for decades. Growing up, we would ride our bikes to the dairy for a 50¢ ice cream cone. To me, those cones taste like freedom, and friendship, and comfort. Everything good about growing up in Pleasanton exists in one lick of that ice cream cone. And there was so much goodness growing up here. 

We walked hand in hand with our son down main street with our cones and I could feel the weight of all the “what if’s” and “how will we’s” lifting. I have no idea what the future holds for us, but for now, we get to give our son a piece of the childhood I loved. He gets to wake up every morning and hug his grandparents. He gets to see his other grandparents and all his aunts and uncles way more often. I get to call up my besties for a random playdate on a Tuesday afternoon. I have dreamed of that for the last 9 years.

With the weight of it all just a little bit less, I’ve been able to see this change with new eyes. God has us here for a reason. He answered my prayer in His way. This will be a season of trusting Him more deeply. This will be a season of staying PRESENT instead of planning. A season of drinking deep from the well of family and friendship. Filling our cups with all the sweetness of home. 

The only constant in baseball is its unpredictability. We may stay here for 10 years. We might have a new team next season. I have no way of knowing and no way of controlling it. So, here I am, learning to let go, to trust and to focus on all the blessings in front of me instead of looking towards a future I can’t control.

Here’s to a new chapter! Thanks for coming along for the ride.

XO, Nicole

:: You are the boss of your body ::

2 Comments

Infertility, secondary infertility, ivf, csection, fertility doctor I have a general distrust of doctors. Between my psoriasis, struggles with constant yeast infections (sorry tmi), unexplained fatigue and difficulty losing weight, our infertility, my c-section and more, I have found my experiences to be mostly frustrating and unhelpful. I have felt unheard and dismissed by a doctor more times than I can count. I know there are good doctors out there, I have been treated by a few for sure, but the majority of my experience has not been positive. When we met Dr. K for our first infertility consultation, I was relieved to feel like he really cared for and invested in his patients.  This being an incredibly sensitive and expensive issue, having a doctor that we trusted was imperative. Our whole first round of IVF was a really positive experience from a patient care perspective. So, when we got the letter that he was leaving our old fertility clinic and starting his own, an hour drive from our home, we really didn’t have to think too hard about moving to his new clinic with him.

I struggle to even write the rest of this blog because I was honestly so surprised by our experience through this last cycle that I keep second guessing myself, wondering if I am just being too high maintenance, or trying to place blame for our failed cycle somewhere. But, I’ve been examining my feelings for a few months now, and had discussions with my husband and some other people I trust who understand infertility and I know that I am not just being “high maintenance”.

From start to finish this last cycle was disappointing from a patient care perspective. I had emailed with my nurse letting her know when we wanted to start our frozen embryo transfer cycle and what transfer date we wanted. I belabored over that transfer date longer than I cared to admit, wanting it to be perfect. We were timing it with baseball season so trying to hit a due date that wasn’t too close to an away game that was more than an hour or two away was pretty tricky. We landed on a due date of April 20th, Easter 2019. I loved the symbolism of that date so much. It felt right. I knew it was unlikely that the baby would actually be born on that date, but I loved that it was going to be the due date that we would announce and circle on our calendars and tell the world.  Our nurse emailed me back confirmation that we were good to go and the calendar of appointment dates, medication schedules, etc. A few days before our first appointment, I called the office to see what time my appointment was that day. My nurse was on vacation and it took a few days for someone to get back to me. Apparently I hadn’t been scheduled on the calendar for that day. They got me in anyway and we got the ball rolling. Everything was going great with my meds and my hormones and my lining and all that jazz, so on my last appointment before our transfer date, I asked another nurse (because mine was gone again) what time we needed to be there on transfer day- Friday. “Oh”, she said as she scrolled through her screens, “Dr. K is not going to be here on Friday, we need to move your transfer up to Tuesday.”

::Deep breath::

Transfer day was also specifically chosen because it was a Friday and gave me the weekend to be off my feet. Tuesday was the day before I went back to work for the school year. Not exactly ideal timing. I quickly called my husband to make sure his schedule would allow for Tuesday and after some rearranging we made it work. Again, trying not to be pushy or needy or cause an issue, we moved forward with the new transfer date. These things happen.

Transfer day came and we were greeted by the world’s grumpiest medical assistant. Her comment to me as she walked us back to our room was “you’ve done this before right? so I don’t need to really explain it”…ummm I did this almost 4 years ago lady. I wanted a valium because, hello- anxiety, and had to have Jordon go searching for someone to give it to me. When they told us to pick any radio station we wanted and we picked country music, our nurse apologized to Dr K for having country on… (that’s really all we needed to know about who we were dealing with haha #countryforlife) By the time it was all done, I was having to coach my husband to not to call this chick out on her bad attitude and cause a scene in the hallway.

Again I told myself “deep breath- it’s not that big of a deal. It’s okay”

My nurse had been emailing me my lab reports this whole cycle and I didn’t think much of it, but then she e-mailed me the results of my first beta. I had low numbers, but I had low ones with Austin too so I didn’t totally freak out- and then she e-mailed me again with the final answer. No, we weren’t pregnant. I hadn’t thought to ask for a phone call, but looking back now, a phone call would have been nice for news like that. Especially because I can’t exactly control when I will see an e-mail pop up. I saw that email come through at about 1 pm, the middle of my school day. If I could have chosen when to pick up the phone or listen to a voicemail, I probably could have avoided crying on the floor in the corner of my office so that no students would peek in the window and see me. It wasn’t a great time to go over their college essays with them.

The icing on the cake was that it took me almost 6 weeks of calling or emailing almost every other day to get the SIMPLE paperwork I needed to submit to our Flexible Spending Account to be reimbursed for part of this cycle. SIX WEEKS!

Still, I tried to push these feelings aside, chalk them up to a busy office. When I gathered my follow up questions in an e-mail a month later to ask Dr. K and received a very brief, to the point and rather dismissive email back that lacked any empathy, I knew we needed to look elsewhere to continue with our fertility treatments.

In November we had a consult with a new doctor at our old clinic. He sat down and took the time to really talk out our options, what things we might want to look into before another cycle, etc. The nurses seemed to be very detail oriented and friendly. Just this week I completed an endometrial biopsy and saline ultrasound per our new doctor’s suggestion. Guess what, I’ve got scar tissue hanging out in my uterus. It is likely from the c-section I had with Austin and it is quite likely a big factor in why our last embryo did not make it.  I’m so glad that we sought another doctor and another opinion. Dr. K was not going to take these steps. We would have had another failed cycle with him. It’s truly infuriating.

Csection, scar tissue, secondary infertility, hsg, saline ultrasound
Scar tissue from my c-section

So here is my take away, my one piece of advice for anyone out there fighting through infertility, or any medical issue, really:

There is no such thing as being high maintenance when it comes to your health and your body. You alone are responsible for it. You alone know what you need, what you don’t need, what feels okay and what does not feel okay. And you not only have the right to speak up and ask for what you need, you have the obligation to do so. No one else will do it for you. And if you do not have a doctor who will listen to your needs and respond in a proactive, empathetic and professional way….find someone else.   Listen to your gut and do not be afraid to speak up. As we tell our son “you are the boss of your body.”

I don’t know why I played small. Why not wanting to be an inconvenience felt more important. Why I chose to silence myself and accept less than I deserved. I do know that I will not be making that mistake again.

XO,

Nicole

Is your man’s body wash hurting his fertility?

male infertility, sperm, infertility, ivf

Probably.

I wrote a few weeks ago about women’s beauty products and how they are impacting our fertility. Well, I wanted to dig in a little deeper on men and how their products might be impacting them. We often think about infertility as a women’s issue. I’m not sure how that came about because men are 50% of the equation…but alas, our society still looks mainly to women as the ones responsible for making (or not making) babies. The truth is, somewhere between 40-50% of infertility cases are due to male factor infertility.

Here is some alarming fertility news: male sperm count in Western men has decreased by over 50% since the 1970’s! More than that, over 90% of sperm in typical young men are misshapen, which means that have two heads or two tails.

Quick fertility lesson: a two headed sperm cannot fertilize an egg.

I have a son. I have younger brothers. I have a hunky husband. I have friends who are raising boys. This is a HUGE issue. One in 8 couples struggle with infertility and that percentage is rising.

Many scientists are pointing to endocrine disrupting chemicals as a culprit. These chemicals mimic estrogen in the body, confusing the processes responsible for sex organs, hormone regulation…and yes, sperm. Exposure to these chemicals starts even when a baby is in utero!

If you want a breakdown of what these chemicals are all about and how to identify them check out this post.

Men need safer skincare, too! Their skin has different needs than women so we really shouldn’t just hand them our safer face cream and call it a day. Did you know:

  • Men’s skin is 25% thicker than women’s.
  • They have tougher skin due to slower cell turnover and frequent shaving.
  • Men have oilier skin than women because they produce more sebum.
  • Men’s pore size is larger, leaving skin more vulnerable to blackheads

Not to mention, most men won’t touch any product that is marketed as a woman’s product… (insert eye roll).

I was having a skincare convo with my little brother over the holidays and he mentioned really liking a brand of men’s skincare that promotes themselves as “natural” and “green”. He wanted to know my opinion so I looked them up… hello greenwashing! That stuff was full of harmful ingredients. But, I know very few men who are thinking deeply about their skincare. If I wasn’t in my brother’s ear about safer products he would not have given it a second thought. If I didn’t throw away all the junk my husband buys, he would not be asking me to find him a safer shaving cream. Ladies, we need to share this information with the men in our lives! We might even have to take matters into our own hands and toss their old junk and give them better products!

Okay, so here is the exciting news – there is a new line of men’s skincare that has NO endocrine disrupting chemicals (among other things, check out the list) and works and smells fantastic.

Introducing COUNTERMAN by Beautycounter!

male infertility, sperm, infertility, ivf, clean skincare

Counterman is a line of safer, results-driven skin care designed specifically for men. It features Sequoia Stem Cell Complex, all Counterman formulas help protect skin from every day stress. Plant stem cells have the properties and ability to self- renew; they never undergo an aging process, but instead perpetually divide to produce new cells. How cool is that?

Let’s check out the collection:

Do me a favor, go grab your man’s face wash and flip it over… do you see parabens on the list? What about methylisothiazolinone? EDTA? PEG? Or how about fragrance/parfum? …That’s what I thought. Toss it! You can always double check your products with the EWG Skin Deep Database too!

Save the sperm – shop safer 😉

XO, Nicole

A few informative resources:

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/16/health/male-sperm-count-problem.html https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/11/opinion/sunday/are-your-sperm-in-trouble.html https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6043754/

Talking About Infertility

infertility, ivf, fertility

“So, what brings you in today?” the nurse asked me innocently.

“I … uhh. Well, ummm. I’m… ummmm.”

I stumble over my words. How do I put this? How do I start?

Finally I give up on finding the perfect word: “Well, uh, I have… infertility..?” I quickly start to share my life story to somehow give context to what I mean by that, to dissipate the tension in the room. She smiles trying to be kind and attentive, but it’s awkward for both of us.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why we are so quiet about infertility. Why we hide behind secret Instagram profiles and Facebook groups. Why there are people in our daily lives who have no clue what we are going through. This exchange explains it all. Everything about infertility from the language we use, to the shots we inject ourselves with, is awkward, painful, hard. We can barely find words to describe it or define it, how are we supposed to be open about it?

I mean really- when put in a situation where we need to introduce the idea of our infertility here are some of the options that run through my mind:

“I am infertile.” (I mean, that’s just cruel)

“I have infertility” (I don’t think you can actually “have” infertility… you know, grammar and all)

“I’m reproductively challenged” (insert fake chuckle..humor is a great defense mechanism)

I usually opt for some version of “infertility journey”. Ha! Journey. As if somehow I chose this path. As if by traveling it there is some higher purpose. Some deeper, more meaningful reason for this. I like to think of it that way. It certainly it makes me feel better, and maybe there is truth to it too. But, I didn’t sign up for this trip and while I am determined to find joy and peace and gratitude in the midst of it, I’d get off this “journey” in an instant if I could.

I’ve made the deliberate decision to be open about this huge piece of my life with people, so more and more I find myself tripping over the words to use to tell people. Almost daily I get a question about when we will have another baby. I know I could easily brush off the questions with some reference to “God’s timing” and leave it at that. But, I don’t want to silence myself. I don’t want to brush off this question as insignificant when the truth is, it is one of the biggest, most complicated, cut to the core of my soul questions of my life.

infertility, ivf, iui, fertility

So, I keep stumbling through my words. And I keep filling the awkward space between me and the questioner with my best attempts at easing the tension while still honoring my story.

And after every single conversation I wrack my brain for a better way to put it. Better words. A better label. Something that doesn’t feel so obtuse rolling off my tongue.

I don’t know if I’ll ever find that better language. I do know that I won’t stop trying and I won’t stop talking. Owning my infertility is freaking hard and really delicate, but also incredibly healing and empowering.

How do you tell people about your infertility? Have you figured out a better way to talk about it? Give me all your suggestions!

ARE YOUR BEAUTY PRODUCTS FERTILITY-FRIENDLY?

beauty products fertility friendly infertility pregnancy safe

Infertility changed my life. Yeah yeah, in all the obvious ways- but really, if it wasn’t for infertility I wouldn’t have learned about the harmful ingredients our beauty products, I wouldn’t have searched for and found amazing safer products or joined a company with a mission to educate people about this issue. And I would 100% not be writing a blog. My whole world looks so different now- my makeup bag does too!

We don’t know what we don’t know, right? And back in 2014, I didn’t know. But there is nothing quite like a good medical issue – ahhmmm infertility– to send me into research mode. In the face of our repeated failure to get pregnant, I started to research the crap out of all things fertility. What boosts fertility? What hurts it? What should I eat, and not eat? Terms like luteal phase, mucus, ovulation and sperm morphology started to become regular vocab words in my house.

Eventually, I couldn’t ignore that fact that article after article told me I should also be looking at the products lining my bathroom counter. The words nontoxic, hormone disruptor, parabens and phthalates popped up so much that I had to dig a little deeper. And there it was: many of the common ingredients in my personal care products are known to disrupt our delicate hormone system and are linked to many things, among them, infertility. 

I almost took a gas can and a lighter to all the products in my house right then and there, but practically speaking, I couldn’t afford to replace it all at once. So, little by little, one product at a time I searched for a fertility-friendly alternative. That process is a whole other blog post in itself.  For the purposes of this post, I want to highlight a few key ingredients for you to look for to make it a little easier to spot a fertility-friendly product on the shelves. 

Now you might be thinking, “Nicole, I am a fertile myrtle, so this doesn’t apply to me”. To you my friend, I say, “yes, it does”. Did you know that when your grandma was pregnant with your mom, you were forming as an egg in your mom’s ovaries. Let that sink in for a minute. On a cellular level, the things your grandma ate, drank and was exposed to had influence on your developing DNA. Talk about passing things down for generations.

So, you might not be on the same infertility journey as I am, but your choices impact future generations. What you put on yourself, your kids and your husband impacts THEIR hormone systems. And really it’s not just about fertility, these ingredients are linked to a whole host of other issues that we won’t get into today. 

Fertility is a growing issue. One in eight couples struggle with infertility. Doctors are sounding the alarm- why? Because infertility is on the rise and male sperm count and quality is diminishing at an alarmingly quick rate. We don’t have all the information yet. They really haven’t studied the impact of these chemicals thoroughly, but there is enough data to cause concern.

So what are endocrine distrupting chemicals (EDCs) and why should we avoid them? Simply put, they are any chemical that can mess with your hormone function. Many of them mimic hormones, like estrogen, in your body and cause confusion in the way your hormones and cells communicate. Others, like phthalates, have been found to be destructive in nature. EDC’s have been linked to cancer, infertility, thyroid issues, depression, learning disabilities and more. (See resources listed at the end for more information.)

Let’s get to the ingredients. There are many places that we find EDC’s- our food, furniture, plastic bottles, flame retardants etc. Today, I am looking at our beauty products, specifically-things like moisturizer, shampoo, lipstick, foundation and soap.

Here’s my top tip: become a label reader. Yes, they will make you go cross-eyed, but if you know a few key things to look for it will take you a LONG way. You can also turn to resources like the EWG Skin Deep database to find easy to understand information. In fact, I encourage you to go to EWG, search for one of your current personal care products and check out the ingredients and their ratings. It’s eye opening! Here is an example comparing body butters:


Top 3 Ingredients That Hurt Your Fertility

infertility harmful fertility chemical endocrine distrupor

At minimum, learn these three ingredients to look for. If you can find a product that is free from these three ingredients you’re going to be looking at a significantly better product for your fertility. 

1) Parabens– a common, inexpensive preservative that mimics estrogen in the body. They have been shown to accumulate in our hormone-regulating organs. Among many things, studies suggest this EDC can impact a woman’s egg production, ability to become pregnant and maintain pregnancy. They also suggest a negative effect on male sperm quality. (Parabens have also been strongly linked to breast cancer)

You will find parabens listed on the ingredient list under these names. Basically if it ends with “paraben” then you don’t want it.

  • Methylparaben
  • Butylparaben
  • Propylparaben
  • Ethylparaben
  • Isobutylparaben
  • Benzylparaben

2) Phthalates– these are a little tricker because they aren’t usually listed as “phthalate” on the label. They are considered reproductive toxicants and are found on labels under these names: phthalate, DEP, DBP, DEHP and fragrance. These EDCs have been linked to a decrease in male fertility and altered sex organ development. Yikes! 

3) Fragrance/Parfum– nothing frustrates me more than seeing a product marketed as safe and natural and then reading the label to find “fragrance” or “parfum” listed as an ingredient. Synthetic fragrance is basically a cover-all term for all the ingredients that make up that “fragrance”. A huge loophole in the federal law allows phthalates (and many other harmful chemicals) to be added to fragrances without disclosing those ingredients to consumers. So basically, companies can (and do) hide endocrine disrupting chemicals- like parabens and phthalates- in “fragrance”. The Environmental Working Group found that about 75% of products that listed “fragrance” as an ingredient contains phthalates.  The average fragance contains 14 secret chemicals that aren’t listed on the label. There is a really great documentary called Stink! that takes a deep dive into fragrance and this loophole. Now this doesn’t mean you can’t wear something that smells yummy ever again. There are great products that use natural and safe fragrances, but generally the term “fragrance” or “parfum” is a red flag.

Bonus ingredient- BISPHENOL A or “BPA”- BPA is used to harden plastics and has been banned from baby products because of it’s hormone disrupting properties, however you can still widely find it in other plastic packaging. Look for BPA-free packing, or even better, glass packaging for your beauty products. Glass is hard to find, but any company promoting themselves as clean SHOULD be using BPA-free packaging at the very least. 

I am a huge advocate for being an informed consumer. Greenwashing is a real problem in the “nontoxic” and “natural” product world right now, so I don’t really trust what any company says about their products until I research it myself. That being said, I feel confident in Beautycounter’s mission, ingredient selection process, Never List and foundational value of transparency. Beautycounter is actively advocating for more health protective laws- like closing that fragrance loophole- so that everyone will have access to safer products. Switching to these products has made it so easy to feel good about what I’m using on my skin and has significantly reduced the number of headaches I get from going cross-eyed while reading labels.

High performing and significantly safer for my family and my fertility- sign me up! 

I love love love helping people find safer products- even if they don’t want to try Beautycounter. For real, message me and I will help you figure out how to start switching to safer. But avoiding these three ingredients is a great first step!

XO, Nicole

Resources:

Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep Database

The Never List– over 1500 harmful or potentially harmful ingredients to avoid.

The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics is a fantastic resource with links to studies and a breakdown of concerning chemicals. 

Study on EDCs and Infertility

Male Fertility Study

Study on EDCs and Cancer

Coping with Infertility During the Holidays

2 Comments

surviving infertility during the holidays

Lately, I have this odd inner rebel thing that happens on holidays. Everyone posts their obligatory  “Happy (insert holiday)” pic on social media and I’m like “nope, I’m not gonna do it”…I generally end up doing it anyway (because I have a damn cute family – hello!?), but that rebel is silently shaking her head at me. I haven’t  really understood where it came from, but it hit me today…it’s the pregnancy announcements. The holidays naturally lend themselves to be a great time for pregnancy announcements. Families are together and the cutesy phrases are endless and adorable. “Can’t wait to welcome our little turkey”, bellies wrapped in bows, and ultrasound pics fill my feed…

It hit me today, as I was watching my not-so-little man drift off to sleep, that it’s quite likely we would have made a similar pregnancy announcement this holiday season had our little embryo snuggled in tighter. But he didn’t and we aren’t. So my inner rebel, or maybe really it’s my broken heart, is boycotting the cute holiday instagram feeds because inevitably I’m going to see all the pregnancy announcements and inevitably it’s going to hurt. coping with infertility during the holidays

The holidays are rough when you’re on an infertility journey. Being surrounded by family is at the same time comforting and a painful reminder of what you’re trying to create that just isn’t happening for you. Without fail, someone is going to ask me when I’m going to have another baby, launching into a monologue about how you don’t want to wait too long or the kids won’t have a close relationship and you don’t want to be changing diapers forever… and don’t forget, you’re getting older! There will always be the cousin who got pregnant on accident, the aunt who feels comfortable telling what you really need to do to get pregnant, the uncle who makes a tone-deaf joke about your husband’s manhood, the long lost friend from high school who, after too many glasses of pinot, asks all the inappropriate questions …maybe it isn’t these specific examples, but you get the idea… the holidays are an infertility minefield.

I’m sorry to say, my fellow infertility warriors, but it’s pretty unavoidable. So, how do we survive the holidays…or even more importantly, enjoy the holidays… as we navigate the minefield?

tips for surviving the holidays with infertility

Here are some of the tips I’ve been working on. I’d love to know your holiday survival tips too!

  1. Take care of yourself first. There is no way that you can respond well to Aunt Ida’s probing questions if you are tired, stressed and overwhelmed. What is in your toolbox? What are you go-to things that help recharge you? Know them. Do them. Often. For me, I know I’m better with a good night sleep, some exercise and time spent focused on what I’m grateful for.
  2. Know how you are going to respond. For the most part, we can anticipate the kind of questions or comments that are coming. It’s so helpful to plan and visualize what you want to say and how you want to respond. Have a one-liner ready for when people start asking. It’s the hardest when we aren’t prepared to respond; we tend to respond out of our emotional rawness. I think it is 100% okay to respond with tears, or to express to that their words, though likely unintentional, were hurtful. But, when we find ourselves out of control of our emotions that is when things can spiral and head in a direction we don’t want to go. Similarly, know how you are going to respond internally. You might be able to brush off your cousins questions and change the subject, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t spinning on the inside as she blabbers on about her annoying coworkers. Find a word, phrase, mantra or prayer that will center you, comfort you and allow you to let go of the inner emotional storm. Repeat until you can breathe a little easier.
  3. Identify your safe spaces. Where are you going to go if you need to take a break, if you need to cry, or punch a pillow? Who are the people who you can talk to? Your spouse is a good one to start with, but they could be dealing with their own struggles, naturally. So who else can be your “person”? Know who you feel comfortable asking to hang with you for a minute. Maybe that person can play defense for you too if they see an awkward situation unfolding. Let ‘em know you need their help- heck, make up a code word that lets them know you need to get OUTTA HERE NOW!
  4. Focus on the parts you love. If there is anything I’ve learned it’s that we HAVE to find joy in the waiting, in the pain, in the fear and doubt… it’s the only way. So, what do you LOVE about the holidays? Do you love baking with grandma? Card games with your cousins? Long afternoon walks admiring the gorgeous fall leaves? Do you love visiting the houses that go all-out with Christmas lights? Or snuggling up by a fire with a good book? Fill your schedule with the things you love about the holidays and try to just get lost in them. Be in the moment as much a possible. When that wave of sadness arrives, let it wash in and wash out. Acknowledge it and then turn your attention back to the beautiful moment that is right in front of you. tips for surviving the holidays with infertility
  5. Give yourself grace. Like heaps and heaps of grace. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel sad, and to cry and to think that your cousin’s pregnant wife was a total jerk for complaining about feeling fat- you’d give anything to feel “fat”. It’s okay if you need to skip your neighbors holiday party because what really feels good for your soul tonight is snuggling up with your hubby and watching Love Actually. It’s okay to put your needs first, to take care of your heart instead of worrying about offending someone else. Grace, my friend, lots and lots of grace.

 

How do you find joy during the holidays while walking with infertility? Let me know in the comments.

** for the record, not all of these examples have happened to me in this exact way, or on this particular holiday. It’s a combination of my stories and my fellow ttc community’s stories

{Three Years With You}

The moment they put you in my arms for the first time was hands down the best moment of my life. It’s a memory that will forever be etched in my mind- the weight of you, the smell of you, the peace and love that filled my soul. Pure magic.

Three years with you, my boy. You’ve been with us now for the same amount of time we struggled to have you, wondering if you ever would be. Looking back I can see so clearly how each piece of the journey was preparing me to be your mama.

You do things your own way, on your own time. Just like when you took your time snuggling in as an embryo, leaving us waiting with baited breath. Teaching us to rely on God for patience.

Or how you insisted on snubbing all of your mama’s birth plans, refusing to flip head down no matter what I tried- forcing a c-section when all I wanted was a “natural” birth. It was as if you were warning me for what was to come: “don’t make too many plans, mom. None of this is going to go the way you thought it would, I’m gonna do it my way.” Oh, my independent little boy. I can’t help but laugh because really, with us as your parents how could I expect anything different.

You have made me a fighter. Your very existence is proof that deep inside me is the heart of a warrior. I fought to have you, fought to breastfeed you when many told me to just let it go, fought through postpartum anxiety to make sure I am the best mom I can be for you. I will never stop fighting for you, my love. Never. You’ve made me a mama bear, fierce.

I put you to sleep last night explaining that magic will come to you in the night and when you wake up you will be THREE. But the truth is, the magic didn’t appear last night. The magic started the day you were created and was with you every single day since. There was magic in each new word, each new step, each belly laugh, each “I miss you, mama”. Watching you grow is magic. You are magic, my son.

Each year your birthday is equal parts heartbreak and joy. Sad to leave behind another year knowing I will never again have two-year old you, but so very proud of the boy you are becoming and joyful that I have a future with you in it.

You correct me now, each time I call you “baby” – “no, mommy, I’m a big boy”. But you will always be my baby, my love. Always.

Happy Birthday, sweet boy. May this year bring more magic than the last.

SaveSave

SaveSave