Month: August 2018

Learning to Recognize Myself Again :: Overcoming Shame and Anxiety

I had pineapple for breakfast recently. It’s not a normal food in my house (although I do love it) but supposedly it helps embryos implant after transfer so I had stocked up for my post-transfer meals.

Smells and tastes have a powerful connection to my memories and the leftover flavor of pineapple in my mouth transported me right back to breakfast with my host family in Costa Rica {ten whole years ago}

And for the first time, in a LONG time I didn’t think to myself – “gosh, where did that girl go?”

See, “Costa Rica Nicole” was adventurous, independent, driven by passion and BRAVE. I set off all on my own to explore a country I didn’t know, to serve a community I could tangibly help and…to learn to surf. I spent 3 weeks traveling alone. Three weeks figuring it out on my own. And I was: fearless, confident… vibrant. I look at pictures of me on that trip and I know that was absolutely a “best version” of myself. In all honesty, for the last 10 years I’ve been looking back on those pictures wondering where that girl went and how I could get her back.

Not too long after that solo trip, I got engaged, graduated with my masters, got married, moved to a new state and…lost sight of that girl. My life got flip turned upside down {get it- hehe} and while it was filled with all great things, I struggled to find myself in that new season.

June 2010

I became fearful, unsure and deeply ashamed of myself because of it. I was SUPPOSED to be “Costa Rica Nicole” and I was so embarrassed that I wasn’t her anymore. My inner voice was loud and mean, but I struggled silently for years.  When our little boy was born, after an infertility diagnosis and going through IVF, the underlying feelings of self doubt, unworthiness and shame blew up into postpartum anxiety. I spent many days crying on the floor of my bathroom holding my newborn, who I loved more than life and had fought harder for than I ever thought was possible, asking what the hell was wrong with me? Why was it so overwhelming to take a damn shower? I didn’t tell anyone about those mornings on the floor- in my mind I was supposed to be this uber-capable supermom, and it killed me that I was struggling so much. No one could know.

Of course, the cracks showed and my husband was pretty aware that his wife wasn’t doing so great at this point. I wish I could tell you that one day a light bulb went off and everything got better, but it wasn’t like that. It was a painfully slow process. At one point I went to a therapist, but I didn’t continue…because I was too embarrassed to tell my family, who was in town helping take care of A while I went back to work. Oh the irony, a counselor embarrassed to go to counseling. As much as I didn’t want to go back to work, I have to admit that it helped. It reminded me that I was capable and valuable in at least one area of my life. I was good at work. I didn’t feel like I was good at much else in my life. In my mind I was a failure in so many ways. I recognize now that it wasn’t remotely true, but those lies are powerful when you’re in the thick of it.

Not long after I had Austin I had this crazy nagging in my mind for over a month that I needed to become a consultant for this amazing safer beauty brand that I had fallen in love with {enter Beautycounter}. I had no business adding more to my plate but I joined anyway. It plugged me into this community of empowered and encouraging women. And since they were all reading these “self-help” books, I figured I should start reading them too. So, I started listening to Audible and podcasts. Present Over Perfect was a balm for my heart. I’ve listened to it 3 more times since then and it always grounds me. One Thousand Gifts helped me see God’s gifts in the simple and the hard. The Power of Vulnerability gave me strength to break free from who I “should be” and just embrace who I am. Girl, Wash Your Face gave me the kick in the a$$ to finally start this blog and hustle for my dreams. Eventually, the voice in my head started to sound more like these amazing authors and less like…mean old me.

I started to eat right {most of the time} and take some supplements that helped get my gut health in order {shout out to Plexus}. Eventually I started working out and discovered I actually did like the gym- go figure. (Thank you Faster Way to Fat Loss.) I had been telling myself that lie for a long time (eye-roll).

I took up a morning devotional that I stick to about 75% of the time. Time spent with God and with gratitude is always the answer.

I made the choice to give myself grace instead of holding myself to a crazy supermom standard.

I am working on being intentional about slowing down and enjoying time with my family or time alone instead of always feeling like I have to be productive. The compulsion is real, y’all.

I made a promise to myself that I would never stop fighting to get back to a place of self-love. To get back to a me that I recognized and felt proud of.

And it worked. Little by little I started to see victories where I used to see failure. I still fight the “shame gremlins” as Brené Brown would call them. I still struggle and I still have anxiety. But, today I am able to make brave “Costa Rica Nicole” choices everyday, instead of hide, paralyzed by fear. Today, I can roll with the punches a little easier. I can laugh at my mistakes and learn from them, because GROWTH is my mindset. I try to greet each day with a positive attitude and believe I am capable of anything I put my mind to because I’ve seen it happen before. I cut myself some slack in the areas that don’t really matter to me (like having a perfectly clean home) but I’m determined to never again break a promise I make to myself or my family because those things matter most. I’m grateful that I did this work, especially as we face this failed IVF cycle. I can’t imagine how I would be coping if I hadn’t.

I’ve now realized that I was far from alone in my struggles, especially after birth. A staggering 50%-75% of women struggle with some level of postpartum anxiety or depression. Women who faced infertility prior to having a baby are even more likely to experience PPD/PPA.

And yet, I was so embarrassed. If only I had known. If only I had known someone else who was talking about it. So, I am talking about it now. If you can relate, know you are not alone and trust that you will get through this. It will take work and it won’t happen overnight. Reach out to people you trust. Feed your heart, mind and soul with positive words, images, and sounds. Turn off the negative. Start small and take it one day at a time. Little things add up to big things and one day you’ll realize the fog has lifted and you can breathe again. You can recognize yourself again.

If you don’t know where to start- read these books. I am literally forever grateful to Shauna, Ann, Brené and Rachel. They do not disappoint. I am praying for you sweet mama. I believe in you.

Present over Perfect by Shauna Niequist

One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

The Power of Vulnerability (and literally anything by Brené Brown. She should be required reading)

Girl. Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis

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Fighting for Breath

When I was young, maybe 6 or 7, I fell on the playground and landed on my back. It was the first time I got the wind knocked out of me and I still remember that feeling of gasping for  breath, knowing it was there, but unable to feel the relief.

It’s hard to comprehend the peace and confidence I felt through our recent IVF cycle now that we are facing the reality of it’s failure. I find myself thinking how naive I was to think it would just be easy this time…pop a few pills, let Dr. K work his magic… I mean it worked the first time obviously it will work this time (insert palm to forehead emoji)

But in all honesty, it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be pregnant right now. I truly thought and felt with confidence and peace, that this was going to work. I mean of course I knew that there was a chance it wouldn’t, but that never felt like a real possibility.

We took a spur of the moment “let’s escape reality” trip to Disney this past weekend. It was good for us to be together and away, but as the weekend went on, the shock of it all started to wear off and even the happiest place on earth couldn’t keep my heart from aching.

I sat at work on Monday plotting out my college workshop program for the spring and as I flipped the calendar page into April it was like the “L” reached out and punched me in the gut. I’m not supposed to be at work in April. I’m supposed to be at home, loving on a newborn and adjusting to life with two. I know that kind of sucker-punch will continue as we move through the year and face all the things I had planned to be pregnant or have a newborn for. I find myself praying, with absolute admiration, for the women who carried children much longer than I did and lost them, who face would-be birthdays and holidays and small moments in time and have to cope with the fact that their child isn’t here with them. I’m sure the longer a baby is carried, the harder the loss is. That doesn’t diminish our loss, but it gives me some perspective, too. One in four women will experience pregnancy loss. That’s a lot of us. That’s a lot of strong freaking women.

The more I read about HCG levels in IVF and chemical pregnancies and implantation, etc…the more I realize how true it is when we call Austin our miracle baby.  You don’t often see a successful pregnancy with numbers that started as low as his did. I’m not sure what it means for us that both our embryos started with low numbers. One made it and one didn’t…so many questions with so few answers. That’s the way it is with infertility… a lot of unanswered questions.

People keep asking what our next steps are. I honestly don’t know. We will absolutely try again, but our failed cycle has knocked the wind out of me. What I thought I knew has shifted and I’m just trying to catch my breath. On some days it feels like my defenses are up and I am building walls so I don’t get hurt again. On other days it feels like I am just taking a moment of silence to sit with God and really feel my way through this, allowing all the things to flow through me while God holds me by my right hand as he has promised. I fight for those days, through my sadness; I fight to hold on to God even when I don’t really want to, even when I’m angry with him, even when I can’t see him clearly. I fight because he has always fought for me.

I learned on that playground long ago that if you fight hard enough, gasp long enough, the air will once again fill your lungs and you will return to the jungle gym ready to swing on the monkey bars again.  I’ll get there. We will get there.

Why I Love Charcoal

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Charcoal is having a moment and I am totally on board! After a weekend of sun, sweat and sunscreen my pores need some love. Remember when those Biore pore strips were all the rage?  Well, charcoal has the same pore cleansing effect, but better and also…safer.

Activated charcoal is like a magnet for the dirt, oil and gunk in your pores! It pulls them out and they wash away as your rinse your face. It is amazing for oily and acne prone skin, but honestly, all skin types can benefit from a weekly charcoal mask.

Important note: this mask is NOT the kind you peel off, which can actually be pretty harmful to your skin. You just wipe it off with a wet cloth.

The Beautycounter No. 3 Balancing Charcoal Mask is an essential in my skincare routine! It’s like a 10 minute spa-grade facial <3 Once I’m done my skin feels clean and firm. Here are some of the benefits:

  • Refines skin and cleanses with a matte result
  • Draws out impurities and toxins
  • Immediately reduces the appearance of pores
  • Leaves skin brighter, clearer, smoother, and more even-toned
  • Soothes and calms skin, reducing redness, irritation, and blotchiness

I usually wash my face with the Charcoal Cleansing Bar first to get the first round of dirt off my face which leaves my skin ready for a really deep clean from the charcoal mask! Then I follow with the Cleansing Balm as an overnight hydrating mask and holy smokes my skin is perfection in the morning.

Step One:

Step Two:

Step Three:

 

Okay soooo let’s address the elephant in the room…why do I have the charcoal mask on my armpits?

I switched to natural deodorant about 2 years ago as I was making my transition to safer products. Conventional deodorant contains aluminum, parabens and other harmful ingredients. Aluminum has been linked to alzheimer’s and breast cancer. And parabens are known hormone disruptors. They have actually found parabens in breast cancer cells. On top of that, it’s actually not good for your body to not sweat. It is one of our natural ways to detox our body and it an important, albeit annoying, bodily function.

Sweat itself isn’t actually stinky, it’s the bacteria that the sweat comes into contact with that makes ya smell.

::enter charcoal::

As I made the transition, my hubby made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t a fan of my new “hippie” deodorant choices. It takes your body a hot minute to adjust to being without its trusty aluminum. Using the charcoal cleansing bar to wash my armpits daily and the charcoal mask weekly really helped reduce the…odor…I was emitting because it draws out any bacteria that might cause said odor.

Although, I’ve adjusted now and I don’t get quite so stinky anymore, I still use my charcoal products to maintain. It’s not glamorous, but I’ll do almost anything in the name of safer beauty 😉

Finding a safe deodorant that works took a lot of trial and error and honestly, I think different brands will work better for different people. I love Native! My favorite scent is the Coconut & Vanilla, but they always have yummy ones to choose from. If Native doesn’t work for you here are a few more brands that are definitely safer and get great reviews from my fellow safe beauty babes:

Schmidts

Type A

Primally Pure

 

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I Still Believe in Miracles

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I learned a long time ago that sorrow and joy can coexist. That they are really two sides of the same coin. That you can’t know the depths of joy without having known sorrow. And we only know sorrow because we have known joy.

{The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.- Khalil Gibran}

I’m grateful for that long ago learned lesson. Grateful that the truth of it has shown up enough times in my life that I can face today’s news with the hope and certainty that while today I feel deep sorrow, I know I will again feel deep joy.

This cycle did not work. Our embryo did not implant. I’m not pregnant.

The air around me feels heavier as I write those words. A weight hangs off my shoulders. I knew that was a possibility when we got our first pregnancy test results last week. On Monday we heard that my HCG levels had decreased when they should be increasing, but still we hoped and prayed. God works miracles everyday. This morning we tested one more time. Our sweet baby just didn’t make it. There is no rhyme or reason. Nothing we did wrong. It is just how things happen sometimes.

I still believe in miracles, though. I am a mother to one.

I am a firm believer that emotions are meant to be felt to their fullest. We will continue to grieve this loss. More tears will be shed. More anger. More “why didn’t it?” If I try to deny my feelings they will only fester and become bigger.

I am also a firm believer that we get to choose how we respond to the things that life brings us. I can choose to let this sadness take over or I can choose to face each day with hope. I choose to find moments of joy in the midst of our sadness. I choose to believe in God’s plan, even though it doesn’t look like my plan. I choose to still see our many blessings and be grateful. There are a million things that I have to be grateful for. I am grateful for the short time I got to hope for the promise of new life growing inside me. It is a privilege not everyone has.

Our baby boy {yes, it was a boy} was just not meant to come earthside. He is forever in heaven with our God and our grandparents and heavenly family who love him as much as we do. I know we will meet him someday.

I can’t begin to tell you how much your prayers and kind words and messages have meant to us. Please continue to pray for us and for our baby boy in heaven. We aren’t sure when we will try again. It is a complex conversation. But, we are confident that our family will continue to grow in God’s time. At the beginning of our infertility journey, God spoke to me through Isaiah 41:13; He is holding our hands today, assuring us to have no fear, for He will help us.

I leave you with one of my favorite poems by a favorite author: Kahlil Gibran

On Joy and Sorrow

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Simplifying Back to School: Part 2 {Meals}

There is nothing that stresses me out more than feeding my family. I’m not even kidding. The anxiety I feel around meal planning and prep is ridiculous. It baffles me. Throw anything at me …suicidal student at work? Got it covered. Juggling life as a full time working mom and coach’s wife with a gig on the side? Watch me go. Infertility diagnosis? Hear my battle cry, biatch!

But, ask me to feed myself and my family and you’ll find me in huddled in the corner crying. I have had numerous breakdowns around this topic. I haven’t really unpacked why that is, but its real. Oh. Em. Gee I hate meal planning and prepping and cooking and making…. I do enjoy the eating though. I definitely enjoy eating.

Alas, the family must eat. So I have worked and reworked my approach to meals many many times. I think it’s still a work in progress, but I’ve found some tips that have really helped me.

If you’re someone who enjoys all things food- you might roll your eyes at me. If you’re like me though, I hope you find these little tidbits helpful.

less time in the kitchen means more time goofing off with this guy

MEAL PLANNING:

Meal planning is a special kind of torture. It’s like, I sit down to plan out the meals for the week and ALL the meal ideas fly out of my head and I stare blankly at the page. Hmmm…what do I know how to cook? So, I started to write it down. I now have a list of dinners we like to eat that, I don’t mind making, and are relatively healthy.

From that list I plan my dinners out by the month. Yes, THE MONTH. I have an excel spreadsheet for each month and I plug in weekends and big evening events, when Jordon will be out of town, etc. Then, I start to plug in meals. Now that I have got it going, I basically copy and paste the meals each month and adjust for whatever is on our calendar. Does it get boring? Kinda. Does it keep me sane? Mostly 😉

example of a month of dinners

I also wrote down all of our usual weekly and monthly grocery items in an excel sheet. I even divided it by grocery store and  department. Now when I sit down to plan my meals and write my grocery list, it’s basically planned for me. I can add and adjust the dinner plan and grocery list as necessary, but the bulk of the work, the part that makes my head spin the most, is done for me. It took a few hours to get it set up, but it was SUPER worth it.

And now that I’m not even stepping foot in a grocery store with Instacart… easy peasy lemon squeezy! My membership is $15 a month and I am positive that I save that amount at least because I am avoiding impulse buys. You can also check and see if your grocery store has free store pickup. I’ve heard Walmart and Raley’s does this. You just pull into the parking lot and they load up you car. We just don’t have one near me so Instacart it is.

So here is a little more about my plans and prep by meal:

Breakfast:

Since I am practicing intermittent fasting, I don’t eat breakfast. That makes things pretty simple for me in the morning. And, since I am currently {pregnant until proven otherwise} I have decided to give up caffeine so I make a cup of herbal tea and add some collagen powder to it for a boost of protein and good-for-you amino acids. I like Great Lakes Hydrolysate Collagen because it comes from grass-fed cows and is non-GMO. It also dissolves quickly into liquid.  I also take my chewable prenatal vitamins- I’m using Smarty Pants Organic Prenatals because they have methylated folate, omega 3’s and probiotics. Pill vitamins make me throw up so these are the best of the chewable options that I’ve found.

Austin’s breakfast is always something he can eat on his own without a big mess. Right now I’ve got the fridge stocked with Stonyfield Organic Yogurt Squeezers that I got for a great price at Costco. He will grab that from the fridge, I‘ll open it for him and then he is good to go. If there is time, I’ll also make him toast with some peanut butter. If there isn’t time, I bring a snack bar (these are his favorites) in the car with us in case he says he’s hungry on our ride to school.

Real talk for a second: I don’t love the amount of sugar in the yogurt or the processed bar. In my fantasy Super Mom world I make him a nutritious breakfast each morning…or even a superfood smoothie. But, the more I struggled to hold myself to that standard, the more my mom guilt ate at me when I couldn’t keep up {which was like everyday} I remember sobbing at the sink one night because I felt so guilty for making him a sunbutter and jelly sandwich for lunch…I cried to my husband that I was a terrible mother and he looked at me like I was bat-shit crazy. (because I was; thank you postpartum anxiety). So now, I try and balance it out as much as I can with his other meals and I give myself grace. Because let’s be real, yogurt and breakfast bars aren’t. even. bad. and a sane mother is also important!

 

Lunch:

I keep things pretty standard for my lunch. Some veggies, some hard boiled eggs, a yogurt (I’m really enjoying Kite Hill with some chia seeds) a piece of fruit, nuts and usually leftovers. I let myself buy 2 meals per week at school since our cafeteria is delish. Last year I was super into egg salad on a bed of spinach leaves. I haven’t quite gotten into my groove yet with meals for myself. I find that if I keep it pretty standard then I don’t stress about it so much. Again, boring? Kinda. But I’m good with boring if it means I’m not crying in a corner over sandwich {insert eyeroll here}.

This Planetbox lunchbox has changed packing Austin’s lunch for me. More than anything it just mentally streamlines what I need to pack and it makes cleanup way easier. I just fill each compartment with something yummy and nutritious and I’m good to go. In the biggest compartment I basically rotate between hummus with pretzels and carrots or a sandwich. Austin goes to a Jewish daycare and isn’t allowed to bring meat, so I have to get a little creative with protein. Recently, I made up a bunch of these Kodiak Cakes muffins and froze them. They are packed with protein and yummy. So, I throw one of those in there every few days instead of the sandwich. The smaller compartments get cut up fruit and veggies, Rhythm Superfoods Carrot Sticks, Harvest Pea Crisps and crackers and cheese. The center compartment gets a sweet treat- a few fruit snacks or a mini cookie. I also still pack a fruit and veggie pouch since he basically won’t eat veggies otherwise. Feel free to send me all your “hidden veggies” recipes.

I actually am having fun making his lunches now that we got this lunch box. I also love that it is stainless steel so I am not thinking about toxic plastics leaching into his food or ending up in that big plastic island in the middle of the sea. Save the whales, y’all. It’s pricey, but it’s gonna last me forever.

You might notice that I haven’t talked about my husband in this post so far. That’s because he is responsible for himself for breakfast and lunch. He is pretty particular about what he eats and how it’s made and I never know what his schedule is for the day and if he even needs a packed lunch. SOOOOOO…cross that off my list.

Dinner:

Let’s talk dinner. By the time I get home at night I refuse to spend more than 30 minutes preparing a meal. I also shut down when a recipe calls for more that about 5 ingredients…all of which need to be something I’m gonna use more than once for that particular recipe. Tahini is not in my fridge…neither is saffron or bay leaves…

Here are some of the main meals on rotation:

On Sundays I like to do a big crock pot dish. Usually salsa chicken (I add some taco seasoning to this recipe and often use frozen breasts too ) or teriyaki chicken (I loosely follow this recipe ). This will last us a few days of meals so it makes my life easier on the weeknights. You can throw these over rice, in a veggie bowl, in a salad or a tortilla and it’s pretty tasty.

Sausage. Everyone in my house loves sausage. I love that it’s easy to cook and pretty cheap at Trader Joes or Aldi. I get the chicken sausage that’s nitrate free. Steam some veggies up in this puppy and we’re good to go. I also like a variety of the frozen veggies at Trader Joe’s.

One Pan Pesto Chicken – throw some pesto sauce and mozzarella over a chicken breast. Chop veggies you like (this one goes great with asparagus and cherry tomatoes) and toss in olive oil and salt and pepper. Cook them all together in the oven at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes. You can do one pan chicken with just about any flavor and veggie combo. And it makes clean up easy because … well it’s all in one pan!

Breakfast for Dinner– a classic right? Throw some eggs and toast together. Add whatever meat you have on hand. If I’m feeling really fancy I’ll make pancakes or french toast.  And guess what, I make that “super food smoothie” for dessert on BfD night! Austin thinks they are milkshakes…#momwin

 

There ya have it: how I’ve simplified meals in our house. Everyone gets fed. Mama’s happy. I call that a win!  When I’m rich, I’ll be hiring a chef- obviously.

 

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When the answer is “maybe”

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This morning I had my first blood test to see if Baby #2 has decided to stick around. I woke up really early so we could get on the road and make the hour trek through LA traffic to get there right at opening. I had to head right to work after, another hour away, and get Austin to daycare on the way. Suffice it to say, it was a potentially stressful start to an already stressful day.

Walking back to the car after my blood draw, I spotted the adorable breakfast cafe that I’ve been telling myself I’ll try “one of these days” every time I have an appointment with Dr. K. So, today, instead of rushing back to work after my appointment and letting the anxiety of the day take over, I chose to slow down and take my little man to breakfast. Nothing fills my heart and reminds me of God’s never-ending provision like some quality time with this guy. ⠀

Should I have headed straight  back to work? My boss would probably have said “yes”. {actually, my boss is amazing and probably would have told me to grab her a pastry on the way back, but HER boss probably would say “get back to work”) And certainly the “people pleaser” in me had to wrestle with that one for a minute. But…

I am so glad I chose to listen to what my heart said I needed over someone else’s expectations. I left our 20 minute  breakfast detour feeling immense peace and gratitude. If I hadn’t stopped and slowed down enough to see and feel and enjoy my many blessings…I wouldn’t have been in a great place to hear … “maybe”…

Maybe you’re pregnant. Maybe you’re not.

My HCG levels came back positive, but lower than they want to see at first. I’ll have to retest next week and see if those numbers are increasing. This is exactly what happened with Austin, so I’m less worried than you’d think. But still, now I am living in limbo land a little longer, wondering if every cramp, every twinge, every spot of tiny pink blood is just our baby settling in or the end of this cycle.

Gratitude is the antidote to anxiety. Gratitude is playing defense to my fear right now. Gratitude is keeping me hopeful when I could turn to doubt. Gratitude is a the coziest warm blanket of peace wrapping its arms around me right now. Well, gratitude and Jesus 🙂

Today was a reminder of God’s instruction. He tells us to “be still and know that I am God”. Be still and know His presence. Be still and know His peace. Be still and know His promises. Be still and know His love and goodness and provision. But first, be still. Slow down so I can see Him and all the ways He shows me who He is.

Will I be taking deep breaths all weekend as I remind myself to choose gratitude over anxiety? Yes. Will I cry a little? I already have. Will I wonder what will be next for us if this baby isn’t meant to join us earthside? Of course.  But I won’t doubt that God has a perfect plan for us, because I have seen His promises come to life time and time again. No matter the outcome, we are blessed and my life is good and beautiful.

 

{Thank you for all your prayers and baby dust- it means the world}

 

Simplifying Back to School: Part 1 {OUTSOURCING}

I don’t know about you, but summer ended hard and fast this year. I was nowhere near ready to go back to work. We had the most fun summer traveling all over to see family.  My brain still hasn’t quite registered that I am back to work and that school starts today!

take me back to Florida!

Being a working mom feels like running on a hamster wheel and only getting off to sleep {if your kid lets you} I’m sure being a stay at home mom feels that way too. This isn’t a comparison or judgement post. It’s just me talkin’ about my life. Add to working full time, a toddler, a hubby who is busting his butt coaching baseball and not home a ton, and my side hustle that’s growing into a main hustle pretty quickly, I look at my to do list and my calendar and just…shake my head.

I used to react to this in two different ways:

1) Put on my “Super Mom” cape and try to tackle it all. You know, roll up your sleeves and get dirty, Nicole. You can totally do it all AND make it Pinterest-worthy if you just try a little harder…if you were just a little better at… everything

Or

2) Curl up in an overwhelmed, anxious ball on the couch and let my kid binge watch Daniel Tiger…then give myself a guilt trip about said binge-watching sesh later that night.

UGH!  I drove myself crazy trying option 1 and honestly, I don’t believe there is a woman out there who can do it all, every day, all the time. And option 2 was just … bleh.

So, as I enter into this next school year and season of chaos, I am trying something new. I am really looking at ways I can simplify and streamline my life. I refuse to hustle for some standard of perfection that only exists in my head and on some stupid Pinterest board. I am practicing having grace with myself, and my family.

Without further ado, here is part 1 of Simplifying Back To School: Outsourcing

Yes, I’m starting with outsourcing. Because why not get rid of things on your plate before you try and figure out how to accomplish all the things on said plate?

DO LESS! I REPEAT, DO LESS, MAMA.

  1. A big piece of this is asking for help. Every night since I’ve been back to work I  have sent a text to my husband before he comes home with the things I need him to help out with when he gets home. It’s not a long “honey do list” but a short list of the things that would be most helpful to me that night. It normally looks like this:

“Hey babe. Excited to see you tonight! When you get home it would be really helpful for me if you could do bath time, make Austin’s lunch and do the dishes.”

I have learned that my dear husband cannot read my mind, so when I am hoping he will come home, scan the house for all the things that need to get done and get to work.. I am setting myself up for disappointment and our relationship up for…a fight. AND, he is much more receptive to my text than to me bombarding him as he walks through the door.

2) I bought a {faux} Roomba. You know the robot vacuum. IT IS LIFE CHANGING! For real. Not once since I bought it have a looked at the floors and thought, Ugh! I need to vacuum. It handles Sadie’s dog hair and my toddler like a CHAMP. You can find the version is got here . It  is an ECOVACS  DEEBOT and it was 100000000% worth the investment.

3) Let someone else grocery shop for you. If you have Instacart in your area, do yourself a favor and sign up for the membership. The $15 a month pays for itself from the impulse buys I’m NOT spending on. I’m also able to see the total in my cart before getting to the checkout line so there are no surprises and I can take out the bag of chips if I’m over budget. This weekend, I ordered and received my groceries while wearing my most comfortable robe and for a second I felt like a sloth. And then I felt, BRILLIANT. There are some drawbacks; the shoppers don’t always get it right. But you can leave notes so I’m learning to be more specific. Grocery shopping takes so much time out of my weekend and while I actually enjoy it most of the time, I’d rather spend that time on other things at this stage of my life. If you want to try, use this code for $10 off! NTWOHIG178

(*if you don’t have instacart, many other stores deliver or do pick up service so look!)

4) Find things that little man can do by himself! He is old enough now and eager to “do it myself”, so I’m looking for ways to have him help out. This morning, he opened the back door to let the dog out to pee. He grabbed his yogurt tube from the fridge himself; and he opened the front door for me on our way out. {He also insisted on being held the entire time I was doing my makeup, so don’t think I’ve got it all figured out} Having him do for himself saves a few minutes here and there that add up to a lot of time. It also teaches him to be responsible and self-sufficient so it’s a win-win.

5) WE HIRED A HOUSE CLEANER! Hubs and I sat down and figured out where in the budget we could make it work and it is soooooo worth it. Do not feel ashamed about hiring someone to clean your toilets, girl. It is freedom.

6) If I had the budget, I would order Freshly  every week for my lunches. Delicious, healthy and NO PREP. I might still splurge on crazy busy weeks and I’m definitely keeping it in my back pocket for when I start making the big bucks. I’m lucky enough to work at a high school that serves amazing food in the cafeteria, so I am allowing myself to buy 2 meals a week just to relieve some of the stress of making lunches (more on that in Part 2 coming soon!) Click the link above for $40 off your first 2 weeks of Freshly.

**Bonus: Did you know a lot of thrift stores will PICK UP YOUR DONATIONS!? I just scheduled a pick up for the PILE of stuff I just keep “forgetting” to donate. They are gonna do it for me. Check that off the list!

Seriously ladies, what can you outsource? What tasks give you the biggest headache, or do you just dread the most? What is the thing that has been on your to do list for like…over a year… who can do it for you? There is no shame in letting someone else do it for you. Let go of the idea that you have to do it all. Asking for help was excruciating for me for a long time. I felt incompetent and lazy and definitely like a terrible wife/mom if I couldn’t do it all by myself. But that’s just plain ridiculous and I’m here to tell you there is light at the end of that tunnel.

So when you find yourself shaking your head at your to do list, before you try and fit it all in, try and get rid of some of it first.

Oh, and also, maybe some of those “to do’s” just don’t need to be on the list at all. They take up mental space and energy. Only put the really necessary stuff on the “list”!

 

 

Guide to Safer Cleaning :: I did the work so you don’t have to

Cleaning products were one of the first things I started to switch over when I decided to pursue a healthier, safer lifestyle. And OH.EM.GEE. it felt like the never ending journey. I have tried so many different cleaning products it makes my head spin. The cleaning industry is just as misleading as the beauty industry in terms of labeling and green washing. I would try something thinking it was safe because it said natural or eco-friendly, only to find out after months of using it that it was not, in fact, safe.

Talk about frustrating! 

That is why I am so excited to share my Guide to Safer Cleaning! You can skip the trial and error and head straight for the good stuff.

First though, a brief explanation on WHY you should switch your cleaning products to safer options. There are hundreds of chemicals used in cleaning products that we have scientific evidence to show are linked to issues such as:

  • Asthma
  • Cancer
  • Reproductive  and developmental toxicity
  • Allergies and irritations
  • Burns and poison

I’m not too interested in getting anything on that list.

To add insult to injury, many of the so-called disinfectants on the market, aren’t that good at disinfecting!

The Environmental Working Group is a wealth of information on this stuff.  Click here for more details on the hazards of cleaning products.

They also have an AMAZING database that gives meaning products a rating of A-F. You can check what you’re currently using and see how it rates!

Here are my favorites! I love them because they work, they are safe and they aren’t crazy expensive!

P.S. Some of these are affiliate links where I get a small commission if you purchase through that link. I’d very much appreciate it if you would!

P.P.S. I added a PDF version of this guide to the bottom of the blog post. Print it out for your convenience!

WINDOWS:

Norwex Window Cloth
Cleans windows beautifully with just water

SURFACES:

Force of Nature Non-toxic all purpose disinfecting spray! Amazing and the safest spray I’ve seen. Has replaced all my other sprays and even toilet bowl cleaner. It’s so safe, I even let my little man help me clean with it.

Norwex EnviroCloth – Cleans ALL surfaces with just water

FLOORS:

Norwex Mop System- it’s so much easier to mop my floors with this mop. No dealing with buckets of cleaning solution or filling the sink. Just add water to the mop pad and get to it!

LAUNDRY

Detergent- Molly’s Suds Laundry Powder (Amazon $0.16/load) Works great with a fresh peppermint scent!

Whitener- Molly’s Suds Oxygen Whitener (Amazon $12.99)

Stain Remover- Beautycounter’s Charcoal Cleansing Bar (for real! It works better than Oxyclean on my stains)

DISH SOAP

Ecover Zero Dish Soap, Fragrance Free (Amazon, $0.16/fl oz) It’s basic, but it gets the grease off really well. It’s lasted us a LONG time too.

DISHWASHER

Seventh Generation Free and Clear Auto Dish Packs (Amazon $0.41/pack) or Powder (Amazon $0.17/oz)  

*Powder is cheaper, but my hubby likes the packs. Both get the job done, but I want to try a few more before I commit

WANT TO TRY: Ecover Zero Dishwasher Tablets (Amazon $0.23/tablet)

Get the PDF Version here! BBM Guide to Safer Cleaning

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