It’s hard to put yourself out there. To be authentic and tell your truth. A friend recently questioned me about a post I made on Instagram, worried that it might make someone else feel bad. Oh, man! As a recovering people-pleaser, it threw me into a inner thunderstorm of emotions- part massive self-doubt, part major guilt, part righteous indignation.

Here’s the thing- inevitably I am going to have an opinion or make a choice that is different than yours. It maybe even completely contradictory to yours. We may… wait for it…disagree…GASP!  In fact, I’m pretty sure we will. Many of my choices do not go along with mainstream culture and touch on hot button issues. The mere thought of the day I get my first angry comment makes me sick to my stomach. I’m a classic INFP and realllllyyyyy do not like conflict.

At the same time, the whole point of this blog is to be brave, so how can censor myself in fear of writing something that offends someone? That wouldn’t be very authentic.

So I want to let you in on my philosophy as I approach this blog.

I love to research. My friend described me recently as having an “ever-curious and wondering mind”, to which I responded: “you get me better than I get myself sometimes” THANK GOD for friends who can remind you of who you are when you forget – amiright? I am literally, always researching something… it’s kind of exhausting, but I can’t control it. Ha! Infertility unleashed a whole new beast of  curiosity and “need-to-know”…and then of course there is no end to what you can google about parenting choices. I like to know what there is to know about a subject.

I am also FIERCELY passionate about making decisions based on your gut instinct. The best advice I ever got about being a mom came from a dear coworker. She told me, “Nicole, there will always been a million opinions about what to do as a parent. When you are feeling confused, imagine you are alone with your child in a jungle. What would you do then?” It’s a different way to say, trust your gut, but it gives me something tangible to work with in those moments {who am I kidding, days, weeks, months} of …I have no clue what I’m doing. In some ways it is a competing idea with the compulsive researching. I want to know all there is to know and then I want to make a decision based on what my instinct tells me about what I’ve learned.

Which makes my decisions deeply personal. You and I are not the same. I don’t expect that everyone will come to the same conclusions that I do. But, I do think there is value in sharing what I have learned and experienced; what I am struggling with and what I feel confident about. What I have researched and what my gut has helped me decide on. When I was a new mom, I desperately wanted to find people who were wrestling with the same hard choices that I was. I was desperate to find real, raw, truth-tellers. When I did, it was a breath of fresh air.

I hope that I am a breath of fresh air for you. If I’m not, I hope you can see my experiences for what they are, mine and only mine. Take from them what will serve you and leave the rest.

I will always try to write from a place of authenticity, non-judgement and an intent to help, encourage and support. I’m human and might not get it right every time. I hope that you can give me grace when I say something that hurts your feelings.

I believe in open, honest conversation. I don’t believe in rude, angry or hurtful comments. I also believe we are all responsible for our own emotions and reactions. If I feel offended or upset by someone else’s perspective, I try to examine myself first. Most people aren’t trying to hurt my feelings.

Being a woman is hard. Being a mom is harder. Let’s give each other lots and lots of GRACE as we try to navigate this crazy, beautiful life.

XO, Nicole