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My Most Frequently Asked Clean Living Question Answered!

Fun fact: my best friend calls me “Stink” — to be fair, we call each other Stink and these days it’s more accurately, Auntie Stink. Yes, our boys call us that too. It’s a very long story dating back to 2002 and having something to do with stinky cheerleading shoes.  Neither of us remember the details of how we landed upon our eternal nickname. But nonetheless we have carried it with us for the last 2 decades, for better or for worse. 
 
All this to say, I have gotten used to answering when someone calls out “Hey, Stink!”– even in public. So, it took me a minute to realize what he was saying when my husband awkwardly tried to tell me that… I stink… 😳
 
I was on my 3rd attempt at switching to a clean deodorant and well, you can guess how that was going. Turns out I’m not alone! Want to know the number one question I get in my dm’s? You guessed it — “what is the best clean deodorant? I keep trying and I just stink. I can’t handle it!”
 
Mmmhmmm, I feel you! But lucky for you (and my dear husband) I have finally landed on an incredible deodorant and I’ve picked up a few survival tips along the way!
 
I’m breaking it all down for you today with the cliff notes version for those of you who value efficiency and get-to-the-point-ness (I made that up🤷🏼‍♀️).
 
🥁 drum roll please 🥁
 
The Brave Beauty Mama Definitive Guide to Clean Deodorant in 500 Words or Less
 
1) Why switch?
Conventional deodorants contain a toxic cocktail of ingredients:
Aluminum – Linked to Alzheimer’s and heavy metal toxicity
Parabens – This Endocrine disruptor was found in 99% of breast cancer tissue sampled in this study
Propylene glycol – skin irritant
Phthalates – Endocrine disruptors linked to birth defects
Triclosan – Linked to liver toxicity and thyroid dysfunction
Formaldehyde contaminated synthetics – carcinogenic
Fragrance – Cocktail of chemicals linked to skin irritation, endocrine disruption and cancer
We don’t want these toxins hanging out by our lymph nodes if we can help it.
 
2) What to switch to?
First, check the labels on any deodorant before you purchase. If the above listed ingredients are on it, put it back on the shelf. Greenwashing is rampant right now and just because the label makes it look clean doesn’t mean it actually is. 
 
I’ve tried about 10 different deodorant brands. If there is one universal truth it’s that everyone’s body reacts a little differently and one brand won’t necessarily be right for everyone. That said, I’ve been able to identify a few brands that have had the most success with the majority of the people I help navigate this clean swap.
 
The greats:
Beautycounter*
Primally Pure
Stinkbug Naturals
 
The no-so-greats
Schmidts – lots of people get bad reactions
Native – sneaky fragrance
Tom’s – just doesn’t work
 
I prefer the charcoal versions of any of these brands; they work best. If you find that a deodorant irritates your pits, it’s likely the baking soda. It doesn’t mean you have to avoid baking soda completely, but be careful with the levels in the deo’s you try.
 
*Beautycounter launched the limited edition mini deodorants with our holiday collection. Full size coming January 2021.
 
3) How to switch with minimal stink.
 
The brutal truth is that you’re going to smell at first. There is about a 2 week detox period where your body is adjusting to being able to sweat again (because aluminum blocks sweat). That means your armpits are able to do their job of detoxification for the first time since you started puberty. That’s a long time, friends. 
 
1) Sweat it out- the faster you can get your pits back to their natural detoxification state the better. Exercise, use a sauna, etc. This can help speed up the transition period.
 
2) Drink a ton of water! Again.. flush it out!
 
3) Wash with charcoal! Charcoal helps draw out dirt, bacteria and smell from your pits. I use the Beautycounter Charcoal Cleansing Bar on my face and pits every morning.
 
4) Do a detox mask on your armpits. Yup. It seems silly, but it helps! I use the Beautycounter Charcoal Mask because I am not the DIY type, but if you are here is a recipe for ya.
 
*bonus tip: swipe some Force of Nature cleaner as a deodorizer once in a while. Totally works!
 
It’s also important to know that stress, hormones and even some food you eat can cause you to get smelly again. Pay attention to what could be causing it, but don’t worry; you’ll get back to smelling like roses soon.
 
There it is! My quick and dirty guide to switching to clean deodorant in 500 words exactly.
 
I’m so curious about your own clean deo experience– what have you tried? What worked? What didn’t? You know I’d be happy to help you get your hands on the new Beautycounter mini does. They are adorable and they work.

The Honest Truth


I’m starting to wrap my head around the fact that {hopefully} a month from now we will be finally pregnant with our 2nd. In just a few weeks I’ll find myself in the familiar routine of hormones and shots and Wanda. So. much. Wanda. By mid summer I’ll be peeing on sticks and praying for morning sickness. Especially against the backdrop of COVID19, I’ve been struggling to find my footing. 

Here’s the honest truth. I’m terrified. 

I’m scared of it not working…

  • of hearing the nurse call with that “I’m so sorry” tone in her voice I know too well
  • of the feeling of my heart shattering into a million pieces
  • of having to tell our son, who wants a baby sister so badly he never stops talking about it, that he has to keep waiting. 
  • of losing myself again. I’ve worked really hard to get back to a healthy place.
  • of having to decide whether we will try again, or accept that this is the end.
  • of wondering who she would have been, too– two babies in heaven is enough to wonder about. 

What I didn’t expect, though. What I’m still trying to sort out with God is…I am also scared of it working.

  • of losing the baby later in the pregnancy
  • of having a c-section again
  • of not having a c-section again
  • of an uncertain world that awaits us as we recover from COVID19
  • of not having a say in what vaccines she gets and when
  • of whether I can really handle two children and be a good mom to both
  • of getting postpartum anxiety again and losing all the progress I’ve made
  • of having another child to worry about. The thought of losing a child is crippling.

Do I have it in me? Do I really have the strength to face it all? And as I plead with God. As I bring Him each fear and beg Him for clarity, He reminds me: Isaiah 41:13.

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

God gave me this verse at the very beginning of our infertility.  “Nicole, do not fear; I am holding your hand.” 

He has never let go. He even gave us a little boy’s hand to hold to remind me when my faith is wobbly.

Does this make me stop feeling fear? Not always. But, it does remind me where to look when I feel it. 

Comin’ Home

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713FD137-DE02-4E7E-BFA4-BC423B29A7A2Oh hey! I know, I’ve taken a lot hiatus from blogging. But I’m back! Since the last time I wrote a lot of life has happened (hence the blogging had to take a backseat) so I figured a life update would be a good place to start. Here’s the bullet point version:

  • April- began 3rd frozen embryo transfer cycle (FET) with a new doctor
  • May – transferred a perfect embryo, but it ended with a negative test
  • June- Hubby got let go from job so we sell half our belongings, put the other half in storage and move in with my parents in NorCal
  • July- Hubby gets new coaching job in the Bay Area so we are staying put

Kinda makes your head spin, huh? It certainly felt like life decided to throw it all a us at once, just to see how tough we really are. Just to test our faith, see how we would handle it all. 

Our FET cycle was pretty rough on me physically-more than I remember the other cycles ever being. From the moment I started the birth control pills I was nauseous, dizzy, tired…ugh! I’ll save the whole story for another blog post. I learned a lot, faced some fears (like giving myself progesterone injections) and ultimately ended up heartbroken with another negative pregnancy test. 

We barely had time to begin grieving our loss when our life…got flipped turned upside-down 😉

My husband and the rest of the coaching staff at CSUN got let go. These things happen. Of course I have all sorts of feelings on the injustice of it all, but ultimately, in coaching things are never guaranteed. We knew at some point in his career this would probably happen. You never expect it to happen on a Thursday morning, a week after a failed FET cycle when you were supposed to go camping the next day. We did the math and despite my stable counseling job, the only thing that made sense financially was to move in with my parents back in my hometown. 

It’s funny… for months I had been praying a little prayer under my breath.. “Lord, get us out of here” Just like that. Blunt. To the point. Daily. It’s hard to fully explain; our life in SoCal was wonderful in so many ways, but I was tired. Tired of hopping on the hamster wheel every morning and hopping off exhausted at the end of the night just to do it all over again the next day. I was struggling to show up for myself and my family the way I wanted. The vision I have for my family didn’t look much like the life we were living. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. We were and are blessed beyond comprehension, yet I know there is something different for us. I wanted out. Out of the rat race, out of California with it’s crazy taxes and policies, out of feeling like I’d never catch my breath.

Well, God answered, but not how I had envisioned he would. Typical. About a week after we moved in to my parents home, my husband was offered a coaching position at St. Mary’s College…right up the road (okay, an hour with traffic) from my parents. I attended SMC for my masters degree; my hubby had worked there as one of his very first baseball jobs. It’s a great place. 

I should have felt nothing but excitement- we were home! But, I’ll be honest, that wasn’t how I felt at first. I didn’t (and still don’t) know how we will make it financially in the uber expensive bay area when it’s time to leave my parents home. We’ll likely be here for a year. I don’t know where another baby fits in with this new chapter. I don’t know how the quality of life I’m craving for my family can exist here for the long term. And the control freak in me was having a really hard time reconciling it all. 

But then, we took Austin for ice cream at the dairy…

The dairy, for anyone who isn’t from here, is a drive-thru mini market that has been around for decades. Growing up, we would ride our bikes to the dairy for a 50¢ ice cream cone. To me, those cones taste like freedom, and friendship, and comfort. Everything good about growing up in Pleasanton exists in one lick of that ice cream cone. And there was so much goodness growing up here. 

We walked hand in hand with our son down main street with our cones and I could feel the weight of all the “what if’s” and “how will we’s” lifting. I have no idea what the future holds for us, but for now, we get to give our son a piece of the childhood I loved. He gets to wake up every morning and hug his grandparents. He gets to see his other grandparents and all his aunts and uncles way more often. I get to call up my besties for a random playdate on a Tuesday afternoon. I have dreamed of that for the last 9 years.

With the weight of it all just a little bit less, I’ve been able to see this change with new eyes. God has us here for a reason. He answered my prayer in His way. This will be a season of trusting Him more deeply. This will be a season of staying PRESENT instead of planning. A season of drinking deep from the well of family and friendship. Filling our cups with all the sweetness of home. 

The only constant in baseball is its unpredictability. We may stay here for 10 years. We might have a new team next season. I have no way of knowing and no way of controlling it. So, here I am, learning to let go, to trust and to focus on all the blessings in front of me instead of looking towards a future I can’t control.

Here’s to a new chapter! Thanks for coming along for the ride.

XO, Nicole

I Still Believe in Miracles

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I learned a long time ago that sorrow and joy can coexist. That they are really two sides of the same coin. That you can’t know the depths of joy without having known sorrow. And we only know sorrow because we have known joy.

{The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.- Khalil Gibran}

I’m grateful for that long ago learned lesson. Grateful that the truth of it has shown up enough times in my life that I can face today’s news with the hope and certainty that while today I feel deep sorrow, I know I will again feel deep joy.

This cycle did not work. Our embryo did not implant. I’m not pregnant.

The air around me feels heavier as I write those words. A weight hangs off my shoulders. I knew that was a possibility when we got our first pregnancy test results last week. On Monday we heard that my HCG levels had decreased when they should be increasing, but still we hoped and prayed. God works miracles everyday. This morning we tested one more time. Our sweet baby just didn’t make it. There is no rhyme or reason. Nothing we did wrong. It is just how things happen sometimes.

I still believe in miracles, though. I am a mother to one.

I am a firm believer that emotions are meant to be felt to their fullest. We will continue to grieve this loss. More tears will be shed. More anger. More “why didn’t it?” If I try to deny my feelings they will only fester and become bigger.

I am also a firm believer that we get to choose how we respond to the things that life brings us. I can choose to let this sadness take over or I can choose to face each day with hope. I choose to find moments of joy in the midst of our sadness. I choose to believe in God’s plan, even though it doesn’t look like my plan. I choose to still see our many blessings and be grateful. There are a million things that I have to be grateful for. I am grateful for the short time I got to hope for the promise of new life growing inside me. It is a privilege not everyone has.

Our baby boy {yes, it was a boy} was just not meant to come earthside. He is forever in heaven with our God and our grandparents and heavenly family who love him as much as we do. I know we will meet him someday.

I can’t begin to tell you how much your prayers and kind words and messages have meant to us. Please continue to pray for us and for our baby boy in heaven. We aren’t sure when we will try again. It is a complex conversation. But, we are confident that our family will continue to grow in God’s time. At the beginning of our infertility journey, God spoke to me through Isaiah 41:13; He is holding our hands today, assuring us to have no fear, for He will help us.

I leave you with one of my favorite poems by a favorite author: Kahlil Gibran

On Joy and Sorrow

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Happy Anniversary + E I G H T

June 26, 2010

Eight years ago we said “I do”, spent a blissful week in Mexico, and hopped on a plane to move to Seattle and start our life together in a new state.
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If I could have told that young wife then, what I know now, I would tell her: trust in the Lord and be brave.
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The road ahead will never be clear in this coach’s wife life – we will never be able to see more than a step ahead of us- but God is good and he will always provide. The way you will learn to trust your husband, to trust God, and to trust yourself is more valuable than any roadmap ever would’ve been. You don’t know it now, but saying yes to this man is one of the bravest things that you’ve ever done. You will have to dig down deep on this journey, but you’ll become a better person for it. Keep saying “yes” to the people and the things that you love. God put them in your heart for reason and he will help you along the way. Eight years of marriage seems far away, but you will blink and it will be here. You will overcome a lot together in this short time. And while I’m sure it’s unimaginable that you could love this man any more than you do on your wedding day, believe me, the love only gets bigger, deeper and sweeter.
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Cheers to 8 years with my coach. This man has challenged me, pushed me, strengthened me, loved me, supported me and helped me to become a better me than I knew was possible. Grateful doesn’t even come close to how I feel about being married to him ❤ ⠀⠀⠀